Why should we blaze a trail...

...when the well-worn path seems safe and so inviting?

I really wish I could write a blog right now. A witty, hysterical, normal blog. But I can't, because all that is in my head at the moment are questions. Questions none of you, my faithful 15, can answer. They're lame questions, too. Are any of you familiar with the musical Tick, Tick, Boom? I am assuming no. Well, the song "Louder Than Words"...those questions. Those are the questions I want answered.

Fear or love, baby? Well, I know the answer but I'm too afraid to follow through. Fear is holding me back. I think. Why? Why do I feel this way? Why am I in a really bad mood? What can I do? I don't want to hurt anyone.

"On the streets you hear the voices-lost children, crocodiles. But you're not into making choices, wicked witches, poppy fields or men behind a curtain, tiger lillies, ruby slippers, clock is ticking-that's for certain. "

THE BEST THING JUST HAPPENED

Seriously! So I was walking around Wal-Mart and guess who I passed? Like within two inches? My Asian Man who waits at the bus every morning at 7:25! I wish I would have talked to him. I tried to smile and make eye contact, because I was SO happy, but he looked the same as he always does...staring straight ahead. It was so awesome.

This one time...

Last year. Christmas time. Sunday night. It had snowed a lot. My dad put our two garbage cans out in front of our house.

It continued to snow. A lot. The next morning, my dad went out to bring the garbage cans back. But...he could only find one. Our other garbage can disappeared. We concluded that it had been stolen by the garbage man, because there was a hole in the snow where our garbage can once sat, but no tracks leading to the house, or anywhere for that matter. The garbage can was just gone.

The Evidence

For the Mills

Wow, this was forever ago...remember going to the care center like every Sunday? Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday, but then I look at the picture and see how much we've changed and wow. Crazy.

This is what compassion looks like.

Right?
Well...except for the creepy red eyes.

Dance Party

We danced to Michael Jackson and tried to learn Thriller. It's kinda hard. But I am proud to say that I did not rip my pants this time! So it was a success.

My Soapbox

So I didn't even know I had a soapbox about this until just barely. My soapbox hit me in the head while I was brushing my hair...so here we go.

A lot of times when I tell people my minor is "Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages", they ask me, "Oh, so do you speak Spanish?" This question doesn't offend me, or make me mad, and it doesn't even really annoy me.

But the answer is no. No, I do not speak Spanish. Why is that even an applicable question? Not all second language learners are Hispanic, even here in Utah. Some English language learners are Arabic. Some are Korean. Some are Russian, some are Chinese, some are Slovakian.

There are so many misconceptions about children learning English as a second language. Even teachers have some crazy ideas and judgments about such students. I guess that is why TESOL is my minor. I will be the advocate.

English language learners, I will stand up for you. I will try to understand you. I will do my best to help you progress cognitively, linguistically, and socially.

I will be the advocate.

*This post is kind of embarrassing because I do not like my TESOL classes and, in fact, I complain about them all the time. Apparently the subject really means a lot to me, though. I am developing a passion.

How I met his mother

So, when we were talking to SCs family last night I realized that the story is kinda funny, and I really need to write it down. Of course, what better place to write a funny story than my blog? I hope you all can share in the joys of my life.

It was a fine September afternoon. One of my TELL classes was canceled, which was fine with me because that meant 2 1/2 hours of extra time! With that extra time I decided to go to Curves. I got there and started on the circuit, completely absorbed in my own little world. I remember that I was reflecting on the most recent chapter of my life and looking at any room for improvement.

Then a man walked in the door. It was like the most exciting thing that happened that day! I mean, it's not that men NEVER come into Curves, but it is uncommon. I was intrigued, so I watched as a woman who was on the circuit went to greet her husband and exchange keys with him, or something. It was a good way to break up the monotony.

After I finished, I was stretching when the same woman (the one with the husband) leaned over to me. This is the conversation.

Sister C: You are so cute!
Me: This happens all the time...Thanks!
Sister C: Are you in high school?
Me: Do I really look like I'm still in high school? Sad! No, I'm a junior at BYU.
Sister C: Oh, do you have a boyfriend?
Me: I see where this is going...No, I don't.
Sister C: Well I have this son-his name is SC-he just got home from a mission in January. He's really nice and quiet and tall. I want to set you guys up!
Me: Sweet! This is great!! That sounds good.
Sister C: Oh perfect. He's at UVU on scholarship studying aviation...
Me: Uh oh...a pilot?!! Awesome!

Seriously, even though he likes to fly, it's been great. He started texting me a few days later and the rest, as they say, is history.

Maybe one of you thought that was funny. I think it is. I have the best Curves Success Story ever!

8 is great

So last night I did not get very much sleep at all. But today at work I felt really happy, like I wanted to talk to all the missionaries and laugh and have fun! This was weird because lately I've been feeling bored and a little bit annoyed at work-I go through phases like that.

Anyway, somehow my mind made the connection: Oh! When I don't get a lot of sleep, I am happier the next day!

And then I remembered that 1. That didn't make sense and 2. Correlation does not equal causation, so I investigated further and realized: maybe I am happier not because I got less sleep last night, but just because last night was a good night.

Yeah. That makes more sense.

As promised

He looks legit, right? It was an awesome costume.

And kudos to Abby for masquerading as a clogger! Great costume!!

Halloween

So I stole this picture from Holly. It was taken at the end of the night and we had both lost some costume pieces by this time...when I get around to it, I'll post some pictures from before the murder mystery party when we're still fully dressed.
It was a pretty fun night! SC and I both escaped from the party without being the accused murderer, although I was the antisocial, germaphobic supermodel. SC pulled off his sensitive and poetic fire-fighting character flawlessly. Fun stuff.

Word choice?

I got this email from BYU the other day...I wonder if this is really what they meant to say. Personally, I would have used a different word.

"Dear Students,
There has been a technical glitch in the registration of classes, which many
of you might have already experienced. We apologies for the incontinence
but want to let you know it will be fixed by tomorrow morning. Thank you for
your patience."

Mom and Dad think I should send this to Jay Leno. Maybe I will.

Our dance

Last night Mariel and I were having fun dancing to Michael Jackson's music. Oh yes, it's all fun and games until someone's pants rip! As SC put it, my "tight pants and MJ just don't mix". How true.

The Poem

Even though I only slept for about three hours last night, I decided to watch Glee before going to bed tonight. After I watched Glee I thought, I should really write a freestyle poem about that Asian man really fast. So here is my two minutes and thirty seconds poem. Don't judge it.

7:25am

Every day he stands. Arms folded, peering through thick spectacles,
Cutting through the morning gloom.
Always facing West,
Never a smile,
He waits.

It can't be your "bad karma"...

...because bad karma doesn't start like this.

I rest my case.

An Asian man

I have seen the same man waiting for the bus at 7:25 every morning since May. I really want to write a poem about him. Too bad I don't know how to write poetry.

I would also love to meet him. What is his story? Where does he go every day? Why doesn't he ever smile? He is usually standing with his arms folded and a slight glare on his face, but a few times I have seen him texting and once or twice he's been on the phone.

Who is this enigma?

The Merry Christmas Polka

At precisely six o'clock, the doorbell rang. My younger sisters dropped all their preparations for dinner and ran to answer the door. The arrival of Grandpa on Christmas Eve was probably the most awaited event of the year. His presence on December 24^th was a sign that the Christmas festivities could officially begin.

Although Grandpa wouldn't give us our Christmas presents until the next day, he never comes to our house empty handed. As he hands my sister a huge sack of oranges, I throw my arms around his neck and give him a Christmas hug. Grabbing his hands and pulling him out of the cold, frigid air into our warm house, my little sister shows him our Christmas Eve feast. My parents and brother join us as we make our way to the table. Now that Grandpa is here, we can eat.

Karen Carpenter serenades us as we eat, talk, and laugh together. Even after we've eaten to the point of satisfaction, no one leaves the table. For now, we're content to enjoy one another's company. After a while, we grab our scriptures and move into the living room. It's time to read the Christmas story.

Following the Christmas story, I jump onto the piano bench and start playing requests. My sisters readily comply and sing with gusto, because Santa Claus is watching. About a half hour passes before I start playing the Merry Christmas Polka. My family sings it through once, and requests that I play it again. The second time around, everyone gets up and starts dancing! After a while, my mom and I switch places on the piano bench, and my grandpa grabs my hands and pulls me into formal dance position. As we polka around the living room, the only sounds to be heard are those of music and laughter.

Immediately following the impromptu polka, my mom brings out a few brightly wrapped Christmas Eve gifts-one for each of the kids. On my sister's command, everyone starts to unwrap their gift. The wrapping paper isn't necessary-we all know that the packages contain matching pajamas. Running to our rooms, we quickly change into our new pajamas. One by one, we model them for Grandpa. After the fashion show, Grandpa announces it's time for him to leave.

After kissing Grandpa goodbye, my sisters grab their sleeping bags and set them up in my room. Gathering a bunch of snacks, we bed down for the night. My sisters speculate about possible gifts, but after a time my room grows quiet, and we have a chance to reflect on our evening. No words are exchanged, but without a doubt, we all know we will never forget the night we polkaed with Grandpa.

Kisses in the elevator and a nice fall day

I just love getting this babe's kisses! But he's growing up so fast...leave him for a week and he's suddenly walking everywhere he pleases! And how could you resist a face like that?

Why my grandma is the best

On Saturday I was at home biding my time until the super night with SC. I was in my parents room talking to them when I heard Karly yell, "Natalie! Come here for a minute!" So I opened the door and all I could see was a man. It was really disconcerting because he was just standing there and obviously it wasn't my dad, and it wasn't Nathan, so who in the world?! All these thoughts ran through my head in about .5 seconds. Then I shakily looked up to meet the man's eyes and...well, it was Edward Cullen. Best surprise of my life! No, just kidding I was honestly so scared.

We all laughed about my reaction for awhile and then I had to inquire where we got such a delight. "Well, I came home from school one day and he was standing on the porch." Karly said. "Also, Erica found Jacob Black in her bedroom...pretty sure Grandma gave these to us."

My grandma is hilarious! And also my grandpa and my grandma both love Twilight.

Some more awkward

So, I know I'm an awkward person, and I love this about myself because "I personally believe" that I am hilarious in all of my awkward wonder. I love to recall awkward things, also, in case you haven't noticed. Anyway, these next two situations are kind of obscure so I want to write them down so I never forget!

Once, right after we very first met, I was on the phone with Mike (let me quickly clarify that he is probably the funniest person I've ever met. So clearly I laughed a lot when I was with him). He was telling me to meet him somewhere and he was giving me directions by saying "walk in the direction of the rising sun". It was really funny, but I had just been to the dentist. Laughing gas has a very profound effect on me. As soon as he told me to walk toward the sun, I started laughing and could not stop. The longer I laughed, the harder I laughed. It was really weird.


The second memory also has to do with Mike. One day we were talking on Skype, and Abby wanted to say hi to him. She thought she'd just poke her head into the picture, but when she tried, unfortunately all that Mike could see was the inside of her nose.

While I'm at it, I would like to give my compliments to the jacket I am wearing in that picture. First, I accidentally washed it with my new jeans. It went from bright white to light blue. Then I wore it to the festival of colors (pictured) and it turned pinkish reddish Holi-ish colors. So I bleached it. It turned light gray. But...I am wearing it now and it is white! It looks like it did before I ruined it! I don't know if my mom bleached it again or something, but kudos, jacket, for being such a trooper.

I resolve

Well, this may be insignificant to the majority of my "Faithful Fifteen" readers (as I have taken to calling you) but I thought I would offer a resolution for some drama I have alluded to in previous posts.

Last Thursday Holly and I decided to go see Hannah and Noelle's instrumental showcase (which was great!). Holly and I had a fun reunion between the HFAC and the WILK and then we headed toward the Wilkinson so I could buy an apple from the good old bookstore. As we walked toward the wilk we saw Hannah exiting the big double doors. "HANNAH!" we exclaimed, but that's as far as I got because then I realized who was right behind Hannah. None other than Thaynius.

I ran up the two stairs to Thayne (he later told me he thought I was coming to hug him) but then I started to beat him.

Me: I am so MAD at you!
T: What is going on?!
Me: Why won't you return my texts? What in the world? I don't know what I've done to offend you but it makes me really sad! I even had a dream we made up! Why wont' you return my texts?!
T: I've been in the library!
Me: For THREE DAYS?
T: No, really I was just thinking that I really needed to text you.
Me: But...what did I do? What's wrong?
T: Nothing is wrong...I just thought I should let things cool down.
Me: Oh, and you thought how you acted on Sunday was a good way to "let things cool down"?
T: No, I was kidding! I thought you knew that...I thought you would pretend to be mad and leave and then come right back...but you never came back.
Me: Thayne, remember?...sometimes you have to be the one to follow.

Anyway we made up just like in my dream and it made me happy to have resolved something that was bugging me so bad. That's all.

Sunday night visiting

Yesterday after ward prayer Erin mentioned she was going to visit Mountainwood, and would I like to come? Of course I said yes! So we hopped in her car and drove the short distance. When we arrived at Mountainwood, there were no parking spots, so Erin parked in the Moby Dick house lot, saying confidently, "Cookie won't tow me!"

Erin went to visit her friends and I called Alice. We had a very joyful reunion in the parking lot, then we went to the apartment, did the dishes, and talked. It was wonderful! I love talking to Alice because 1. She speaks English and 2. I can be completely honest and open and she understands! I miss talking with Alice, and I miss standing on the balcony yelling peoples names. I also miss having a normal relationship with Thayne. After we did the dishes we decided to go visit the girls in 208 because we could hear they were doing karaoke.

Alice threw open the door to apartment 208 and exclaimed, "Look! It's Natalie!" But as the door swung open, it revealed Thayne sitting on the couch. As soon as he saw me both our faces turned red and he exclaimed, "Oh, shoot! Um...I have to go!" To which I replied, "No, don't worry about it. We'll go." So apparently we can't even be in the same room anymore.

We went back to 214 and started making an alphabet list-we love doing this. The letter J consistently wins, by far. We talked some more, but it was getting late so eventually Erin and I left.

As we walked down the stairs, we saw a tow truck enter the parking lot. This is the conversation that took place.

Erin: Alice! There's a tow truck! Warn the people!!
Alice: I don't know anyone! I don't know whose car it is!
Me: Erin, that's OUR CAR!!
Erin: NO!!!
Alice: RUN!
Erin: I CAN'T! MY ANKLE IS SPRAINED! NATALIE, GO!
Me: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Erin: TAKE MY KEYS! GET THE CAR!

So Erin gave me her keys and I started running to Moby Dick. The tow truck was backing up and lowering the thing to take the car away, so I did some crazy ducking move to get between the truck and the fence, ran to the car ("ERIN! ARE YOU FROM WISCONSIN?!) and tried frantically to open the door.

At this point, the tow truck driver realized his evil plans had been thwarted so he just drove away. It was way funny. And perfect timing.

I am reminded of something funny

So back in the summer of 2004 my sisters and I were in Oklahoma! at the Shell. We had a great cast...the boy with the perfect color of red hair was even there! Anyway, we had fun. One of the stage managers was this girl, and I can't recall her name exactly but I think it may have been Rebecca, and she was down syndrome. Her biggest annoyance was that our cast was loud backstage. Every night in our traditional cast meeting circle she would say, "You guys need to be quiet backstage or I will give you a power-house slug!"

This continued night after night, until finally one night my grandpa said, "Hey! There will be no power-house slugs going on!"

Rebecca, as we'll call her, thought for a moment and then replied, "Fine....then I'll slit your throat!"

Needless to say, we were quiet after that.

Grandpa always talked about getting a red convertible....so we thought it would be exciting, for his 80th birthday celebration, to commandeer a red convertible so that he could arrive in style. Grandpa thought it was fun, but even so...he preferred his own car. Watch the video.

Me: How does it feel, Grandpa?!
Grandpa: How does it feel?....you really want to know?

Another gem, in my opinion

"If I don't seem to need help, it is because I have a better friend even than Father to comfort and sustain me. My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning, and may be many; but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your earthly one. The more you love and trust him, the nearer you will feel to him, and the less you will depend on human power and wisdom. His love and care never tire or change, can never be taken from you, but may become the source of lifelong peace, happiness, and strength. Believe this heartily, and go to God with all your little cares, and hopes, and sins, and sorrows, as freely and confidingly as you come to your mother."

Name this movie

"You may, for a little while, have pain in this...but it will pass. And you will dismiss the recollection of it gladly, as an unprofitable dream from which it happened well that you awoke. Be happy in the life you have chosen."

TMI

So last night I was reading through my journal which documents the past year and a half and it was really interesting to see how I have changed and grown. But there were a few lines I wrote in all seriousness that crack me up reading them in retrospect. I don't know if it's simply because of the perspective I've gained or if it's just because I'm crazy, but...I was surprised at the weird stuff I've said. I will share a few examples. Please, understand that these example are not what my whole journal sounds like. Sometimes I say things that make sense and are very dear to my heart.

1. I don't know if the intent of the email was "sorry I kissed you-I shouldn't have because I don't like you" or "sorry I've been stupid lately-don't 'forget about me".

2. PS: Today I scooped ice cream and sold Scope to Elder Groberg and his wife. It was cool.

3. I can't believe I'm feeling this way. Alice says it's something in the air...it does stuff to people.

4. Today John broke up with me in the middle of the Cougareat. It was awkward...obviously.

And the last quote isn't by me, it's by Gideon...but I sure did tape it into my journal. I wish you could see his awesome handwriting, but you'll have to imagine it.

5. "Have fun in the journey. Make friends, build and strengthen these friendships. Along the way, you'll find that one of these friends means more to you, and that you are inseparable from him. This "glue" comes from the journey, not by packing shoe goo on every date."

Friends shouldn't let friends...

...but unfortunately, sometimes they do. I don't think I will ever be able to recreate the expression that is on my face. This is an example of A. The random pictures I have on my computer and B. The random things we do for fun. I seriously have the best friends ever, because when I'm with them I can be myself. But I can also pretend to be different people...like a pregnant woman.

My funny story for the day

Okay, well I wasn't planning on blogging about this because I think it's embarrassing, but I feel like I have a pretty good handle on who reads my blog and I figured that most of you know everything about me anyway...there's really no chance you will think less of me for anything I post. So here I go.

On Tuesdays I have to go straight from the MTC to class but, let's be honest, I do not want to wear a skirt all day. So I just bring pants and shoes, change at work, and arrive on campus all incognito (me, work at the MTC? Noooo)! But today as soon as I got to work I realized that I forgot socks. There was no way I was going to wear tennis shoes without socks alllll day because I hate not wearing socks!

After a fair amount of whining and complaining, I reviewed my options with Katie and Heather. I had three choices: A) Buy a three pack of those white socks with the pink toes that would probably go up to my calf, and probably be so thick my shoes wouldn't fit B) Wear my tights all day/buy knee highs, and C) Buy one pair of blue men's dress socks.

Okay well I really didn't want the white socks because what would I do with three pairs of those things?! The only time I wear tights under jeans is when I'm on my way to a show or clogging competition, and I didn't want to make any new memories that might interfere with those old ones, so yes, I bought and then wore men's dress socks all day, until I finally got home at 7:30 PM. I felt ridiculous but comforted myself with the knowledge that no one could even see my socks. And now you, dear readers, know of my sock drama. Never again!

But the comforting thing of the day: last week my RMYL class made up rhymes for everyone's name so we would remember people better. The rhyme my group chose for me is this: Natalieeee...is sexyyyyy. And that's definitely what people call me now. That class is a constant confidence boost. They definitely couldn't tell I was wearing men's socks :)

More adventures from Apt. 214

Okay, so I already mentioned that I was looking through all the pictures on my computer and found some random ones. Well, here is another random blog...about my random pictures (photos courtesy of Suzanne).

So it was January, I think. We had just attended a fun FHE in the RB. We were all in Suzanne's car and when we pulled into the Mountainwood parking lot, we noticed our home teachers Thayne and Ben had not yet arrived at home. We thought it would be hilarious if we parked in Thayne's parking spot because he would come roaring into the lot in his huge truck, find his spot taken, be mad, then we would all jump out of the car and be like, "Surpise! We parked in your spot, hahaha." Or something like that.

So Suzanne parked and we ducked down and hid. And hid, and hid, and still we were hiding. Every time we saw headlights we would get scared and peek out to see if it was Thayne coming. It never was.

But we kept hiding.

Eventually we had waited so long that we were getting bored. We decided to call Ben and ask where the heck they were and if they were coming home soon. I was the designated caller. When Ben picked up I tried to be all cool.

Me: "Hey Ben, I was just wondering...where are you guys? Are you coming home soon?"
Ben: "Well, we stopped at a friend's house for a bit. Why? Is everything okay?
*Now, pretty sure I had just been through a breakup at this time...so I didn't want Ben to think I was having an emotional breakdown or something, because I didn't want them to worry*
Me [really awkwardly]: "Yeah, everything's fine, I just...wanted to talk to you...I'm not like having an emotional breakdown but...I just wanted to talk...?"

Ben apparently misheard what I actually said and instead heard this: "I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. I AM HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN. COME HOME NOW." So he started to get really worried and insisted that they were leaving their friends' house that instant to come talk to me. Then I started to feel even more like an idiot so I made either Suzanne or Alice take the phone and explain what we had attempted to do. We felt kinda lame, but at least we got pictures out of it! Right?

Okay this was a really long, verbose, and boring post.

Turtlenog!!

So I was browsing through all the pictures on my computer looking for a new "Picture of the Week" and I found the folder of Turtlenog pictures from last Christmas! Enough time has passed now that I can look at these photos with fondness and amusement. I will now post two of the aforementioned pictures.

Picture #1

I love this picture for mainly two reasons...Reason #1: John's head is floating (his turtlenog sweater was the same color as the backdrop). Reason #2: Santa looks way creepy. It's like..."Merry Christmas Natalie, I am about to kidnap you". The way his hands are all jazz hands-y is just a little weird!

Picture #2
I love this picture because our faces are just classic. "Merry Christmas old building and loan! Merry Christmas Mr. Potter!"

I really wish that Alice and I had taken pictures together at the turtlenog party! I do remember that we did an awesome version of our high school musical dance for everyone! We totally rocked that karaoke party. Since we didn't take any pictures together at the party, I will post pictures of us studying for finals...during Christmas time.

Okay, okay...so maybe sometimes we got distracted while studying and ended up using our feet as telephones...yeah I don't really know how that happened. It was a pretty great Christmas season, though. Let me tell you! Alice...if you can hear me...I love you I miss you oh baby oh baby Ikissyoubye.

Love is a great beautifier

"To outsiders, the five energetic women seemed to rule the house, and so they did in many things; but the quiet scholar, sitting among his books, was still the head of the family, the household conscience, anchor, and comforter, for to him the busy, anxious women always turned in troublous times, finding him, in the truest sense of the sacred words, husband and father.

The girls gave their hearts into their mother's keeping, their souls into their father's; and to both parents, who lived and laboured so faithfully for them, they gave a love that grew with their growth, and bound them tenderly together by the sweetest tie which blesses lives and outlives death."

I love this quote from Little Women because it describes my family...not only the physical aspect (five girls at home, one father...and besides that, we have another amazing sister and wonderful brother) but it also describes the emotional aspect of our home perfectly. No, our family is not perfect or even close, but we love each other and our parents and we are all so close. I love my family and am so grateful for each of them. I often wonder how in the world I got so lucky. I can't explain it but I can only hope to live my life in gratitude and emulation of such a home.

Just a housewife?

(This may seem really random. FYI.)

So the other day Hannah and I went to Dallyn Bayles' "Inspirational Broadway" concert. It was great! Michelle Boothe sang a song from the musical Working about being a housewife. Even though I am clearly not to that point in my life yet, the song still rang true. I can picture myself feeling this way 15 years from now. And I find it applicable even now in my major. I think a lot of people at BYU think Elementary Education is just a fall back for girls who only want to stay at home and raise kids and be a housewife. Okay, yes, it's true that's what I want, but I want to make a difference. I want to be a good teacher. I want to help kids in the formative years of their life. I care.

"What I do, what I choose to do may be dumb to you but it's not to me. Is is dumb that they need me there? Is it dumb to care? 'Cause I do, you see. And I mean, did you ever think-really stop and think what a job it was?"

Anyway, I thought it was a great song. You should listen to it. I can't decide if I like the fast or slow version better, so...click on one of these links and see what you think.

Fast
Slow

All stories contain the element of joy

Tonight a new chapter will be added to "The Spaghettio Years". (TSY, in case you were wondering, Dear Reader, is the story of my life. Once upon a time, I promised Scott I would write it. Surprisingly enough, I have--and it's even somewhat current! Which is more than I can say about my actual journal...) Adding chapters is always a sad and reflective time for me. The book is a fairytale, though, because it has its share of sorrows and struggles that always resolve to being joys and triumphs. But it is the ultimate fairytale, because not only does it have a happy ending, it has a perfect ending.

"No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations."

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
October 2008 General Conference

Proof!

I have a problem that appears frequently, especially when I dance. The complete story can be found here. Well, it's a habit I have never been able to kick. Spencer and I did a duet a few months ago and we recorded some of the steps just so we could remember the dance. Here is one of the videos...keep in mind that I am not posting this to demonstrate my extreme clogging skills, because I look like I don't even know how to clog in this video. The purpose of this video is to display my stubborn left arm!




This video also demonstrates the reason why my foot developed a stress fracture...I think it's funny that you can hear the step so well even though I'm only wearing tennis shoes. Dancing on the cement. Probably not a good idea...

Me and my boys

Then and Now

I can't believe it's been a year! I like how in the first picture we didn't even know each other...and I look scared of the boys. Clarification: I was scared of the boys. The first time we met they didn't really talk to me...but I'm glad we became friends that summer. Oh, we had fun.

Little Shop of Horrors...

I've never seen it, but today this song was stuck in my head...I probably know why. Anyway, good song.

[AUDREY]
Nobody ever treated me kindly
Daddy left early
Mama was poor
I'd meet a man and I'd follow him blindly
He'd snap his fingers
Me, I'd say "sure."

Suddenly Seymour is standin' beside me
He don't give me orders
He don't condescend
Suddenly Seymour is here to provide me
Sweet understanding
Seymour's my friend

[SEYMOUR]
Tell me this feelin'll last till forever
Tell me the bad times are clean washed away

[AUDREY]
Please understand that it's still strange and fright'nin'
For losers like I've been it's so hard to say

[AUDREY]
Suddenly Seymour,
He purified me
Suddenly Seymour
He showed me I can
Learn how to be more
The girl that's inside me
With sweet understanding,
With sweet understanding,
With sweet understanding,
Seymour's my man!

Awkward

Preface: I date, and I am awkward, which means that I now have many awkward dating experiences. Here are a few. (NOTE! If you find yourself in one of these experiences, please don't be offended)

Experience One: I was on a date-an almost blind date, but not quite. We called it a colorblind date. His dad had tried to set us up for a long time and we finally went out. Anyway, about an hour into the date, the boy turned to me and said, "You know, Natalie...you're a lot more normal than I thought you'd be". Um...thanks? He beat me to the punch.

Experience Two: Freshman year, winter semester. I was kinda dating a guy (who may or may not have been my TA). So he came over one of the last days of finals week to visit. As he left to go study, he kissed me goodbye (our first kiss!) and said to me, "Well, I'll see you in September!" I had no idea he was even leaving. What! We didn't ever really speak again.

Experience Three: Sophomore year, winter semester. There was a guy in my ward who I was pretty sure liked me. We had been on a few dates and I thought things were kind of getting more serious, then one day....he stopped talking to me. Literally. Wouldn't even make eye contact. I tried to clarify but was met with contention so I dropped it completely, never knowing what I had done to offend him. Yesterday I found out that he thought I was trying to date him just to win a bet. So lame! I'm kinda depressed that he thought that little of me.

Dating is exciting!

Two things

One of my favorite things about my blog is that the most hits it gets from search engines is from people searching for the story of Little Dog Turpie. That's awesome, but a little disturbing.

One of my least favorite things about my blog is that I allow what others think about me to influence what I post. I wish I could say this blog was me sharing all my honest thoughts and feelings but it is not.

Yeah...just a really good day

I like to hide under my cryptic blanket a lot on this blog, but I got a package today and it made me very happy. So I still can't bring myself to specifically state what is going on because I worry that people might judge me, but if you know, you know.

Admiration

So recently I've been realizing things about myself and one of those things is that I love people, but I don't show it like I should. I'll try to be better about that. But while I'm working on that, here is a blog about people I have admired pretty much my whole life: Brad and Traci Sheen.

I grew up next door to the Sheens. Nathan was best friends with Bradley, and even though they are a few years older than me they always let me play with them. I don't have any memories of Brad being annoyed or irritated that I always wanted to play with him and my brother. And, as most of you know, I was even in love with Brad back then. Anyway, I am so grateful for his kindness and acceptance, even as it continues today.

And Traci! I looked up to Traci so much. I remember thinking about how much I loved her bed and she always had the cutest dolls. She also allowed me to play with her even though I was a lot younger than she was. I wanted to be just like Traci.

The truth (almost completely not cryptic!)

(It's my blog, I can put whatever I want up here!)

I almost think that, no matter what has happened or will happen, this will always be one of my favorite pictures. Just because that was probably my favorite summer of my life so far.

On being cryptic

Some people (read: "Spember" Bean) have occasionally or frequently yelled at me because I am "too cryptic". It's actually kinda funny because it drives Spencer (and I'm sure every one else) crazy but oh well. Here is my reasoning behind being cryptic. Yes, I know it's annoying and confusing and stupid. But it's how I express myself. It's a way for me to get my feelings and emotions out in the open without needing to expressly state that I am mad at someone or something in particular. Do you know what I mean?

Another factor that adds into me being cryptic is that I have been listening to songs lately that describe my life...or when I just think a line from a song is funny or weird or entertaining I will put it on twitter. A lot of the time it means nothing. I guess this is an apology blog...sorry for being so crpytic and confusing, it probably won't change. Learn to deal :)

Seriously though, it's hard for me to post actual events and happenings from my life because I am not that open. I will try to change that. As soon as I figure out what I want from my life.

Our Jim

So there is this (I don't know the PC term so bear with me) mentally handicapped man named Jim who comes into the bookstore every Tuesday morning to restock the "copies of the Book of Mormon" and vacuum. He is cute and nice except sometimes he likes to be mean. But I think he's funny so I am going to list three things he has done (I'm not trying to make fun of him...I just think they're funny stories!).

So a little over a year ago we on the closing shift kept arriving to work to find all our personal possessions missing from our apron pockets. It was so disconcerting. Every day I would find my box knife, chapstick, and pens in a different place. Finally we figured out that Jim was coming in and ransacking our aprons, so we had to start hiding them simply to keep our bearings around us.

Last week I was helping a customer when Jim came up to me and said, very pointedly, "You are a broomstick". I was like, "Um....what? A broomstick?" and he just said "Yeah. You look like a broomstick. That's my joke!" and then he walked away. I still don't know what to think...

Last instance: today Rob was worried about facing the long packet day ahead so he wanted to do something to cheer himself up. So he made an elephant out of towels and put it on the counter by my register. Eventually Jim came over, started at the thing, and said, "WHAT. Is. This." Then he proceeded to unroll the elephant and fold the towels the right way. The whole time I was protesting: "No! Stop! Rob made that! It's an elephant! He will be so sad if you wreck it!" etc.

I love the bookstore, I love Jim, and I love the missionaries.

Realizations

You know how sometimes you just realize things about yourself you've never thought about before?

I love getting random voice mails and texts.

When I'm sad or lonely, I bake. Peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.

I love inside jokes and gifts built around the theme of an inside joke.

I like being a little bit silly around the people I love.

I really, genuinely like a lot of people. I am pretty sure there are many people out there who have no idea how much I truly adore them.

I talk a lot.

I think I have a lot of old fashioned ideas about romance.

I cry: all through Return to Me, when Captain Von Trapp sings "Edelweiss", when people I love cry, sometimes when I am writing the spaghettio years, when I finally realize a truth that deeply impacts me...and at many other instances.

My life hasn't really turned out the way I expected it to be but I am okay with that.

Once I had to completely rebuild my understanding of my life and I am grateful for the changes it brought to me.

Waiting makes me anxious.

Even though I've lost sight a few times, I'm pretty sure I know what I want. But I can only speak for myself, which is the hard part.

I found the photographic evidence

When I was transferring pictures from my old phone to the computer I found the evidence of J's laser tag wound (the story of the wound can be found here). So here are the pictures, in all their glory.

What he thought the wound looked like and what it really looked like. The bandaid covers a lot of it.

Not to rub it in or anything, but...

Highlights of the show:

• Perfectly clear weather--all night!
• Delaying start time by ten minutes because the line for tickets was so long.
• Huge crowd
• Tripping Spember the school master
• Karly dropping her fruit all over
• A flawless waltz
• Birthday cake
• The tiara story
  
• Caleb's comment [while looking at the audience members lined up to enter the shell]: Um, is that like the handicapped only entrance or something?
• Almost falling down the book stairs and taking Bean with me. Thank goodness for his stiff menu arm.

Come see the show!

Here is a little preview in picture form.

Girls wear wigs.

There is lots of love.
There are wolves.
Utensils are ever present.
We tell jokes, and do tricks!

The rubberband war

So I have worked at the MTC for two years. The whole two years, a great rubberband war had been raging. For some reason, I was always the target. Bradley and Gideon always, always shot rubberbands at me--and they hurt! More often than not I would retreat home with great big welts on my bare arms and legs. Bradley was the meanest. But, try though I would, I could not ever hurt the boys. I'm just not a very good shooter. When the rubberbands did meet their targets, the boys were unaffected because they rarely had any skin exposed.

Bradley and Gideon left the bookstore in due time, and the war eventually quieted down (the exception being when Gideon comes to visit). Anyway, the other day I was taking a rubberband off a packet of pamphlets and it suddenly shot out of my hand and hit Rob in the back of the head. It must have been my subconcious.

The gang

During our last rehearsal at the indoor theater we spent the majority of our time sitting in this nook by the locked door. That is how exciting rehearsals can get.

Revenge

The only thing better than having a package of circulating fruit snacks is having two packages of fruit snacks that are being passed around. Thank goodness for younger siblings who follow in our footsteps!

Inspiration I

Someone once said an unwritten goal is merely a wish. So I've taken to writing down my goals to make them more real. I think my blog is a good place for writing goals because then it's public and people can see my progress and help me.

Well...my sisters and I have this goal...to hike to the I. We attempted it once and failed because there was a "No Trespassing" sign and we didn't feel ready to get in trouble with the law. Jarom has hiked the I, so I wrote him asking for pointers. The only thing he could tell me was to be sneaky, which no offense didn't really help a whole lot. Our goal has yet to be realized. We're still trying to gather the courage to attempt this intense hike. Wish us luck. And if anyone has advice...we would love to hear it.

An awkward waltz

During the transformation scene at the end of Beauty and the Beast, there are eight couples who waltz around the Beast/Prince and Belle. It's supposed to be this beautiful scene-I will probably end up crying. Can't you picture it? Tears streaming down my face as I try to waltz gracefully?

Back to the point of this post. Last night we learned the waltz and then tried to fit it in with the rest of the scene. We didn't really know where to enter and start dancing, but we were listening to the music for the "Tale as old as time" theme to start playing. Because that's when we start waltzing. Unforunately, this theme appears at least three times. Finally my partner and I thought we heard our entrance music, so we went waltzing across the stage.

I wondered why our waltzing path was suddenly so open and uninhibited by other members of the cast. Oh, maybe because it wasn't our entrance. But we didn't realize that the choreographer was shouting at us to get off the floor. Or that the cast was snickering because we were randomly waltzing across the stage. So...yeah, it was awkward.

"SO good"

Eleventh grade honors English was quite the class. Mr. Rich has the most interesting and distinct personality of any teacher I've ever met. Such a funny guy. I am convinced that his class is the only reason I passed the AP test. I learned how to write analytically in that and only that class. Because, no offense, I learned nothing but how to skip class everyday in AP English. My whole blog was even a product or Mr. Rich's class! Anyway, I just want to share one of my favorite memories from that class.

It was a quiet day-I think we were all reading silently. Mr. Rich had been ranting about his love life but had settled down for a time. Suddenly he slammed his hand on his desk, stood up, and exclaimed, "Girls are scum!" Then as every head in the room turned to look at him he started up on another tirade. Oh, what a guy.

PS: My champagne glass costume is getting better and better. I get to wear a wig. A bubble wig!