Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Love, the Murrays

It really is the most wonderful time of the year--time to be with family and to celebrate the reason for our lives, our faith, and our blessings.

Photo credit: Jeselyn Peery. She's awesome--look her up on facebook.
Photo idea: Woodward family. They are also awesome!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

One Costa Vida...

I'm considering renaming my blog "Egocentric Speech", because that's what it is. I love posting random things no one (but me) cares about. Here is another one of those things. For some reason, this facebook thread is cracking me up.

PS: If you want to read it, you have to click on it. And if you don't get it, or think I'm weird, don't blame me--it's your fault for reading this blog. But I know that two years from now I'm going to read this post and think, oh my gosh, that was the most hilarious thing. So there.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The airport!

I love the airport!! (I know, I know...people who know me are thinking, what? Natalie? Airport? Isn't that where they keep, Heaven forbid, airplanes?)

Yes, it's true. "Let me repeat, therefore emphatically..." I love the airport (especially when I'm not getting on a plane, although I did have a very successful couple of flights this summer...with the help of Xanax. Anyway...)!

I love how diverse it is. I am a huge people watcher, and at the airport you can just sit and see people from all walks of life! I love it. I love guessing where they're going, who they're going to meet, etc. Plus I love the excitement of travel!

But the best part about the airport is picking people up! I love going and sitting at the bottom of the escalator, waiting to see first the feet, then the legs, then the torso, then the head of someone I love.

It is so fun!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

If life was a man, he would be my husband.

Why? Because I like life!

I love Christmas so much. My very favorite Christmas movie is Scrooge with Albert Finney (my dad prefers A Christmas Carol with Alaister Sim, but I digress...)

I love the part where Scrooge changes. I think it is so touching--it always makes me want to cry. And a lot of times I feel like Scrooge, when he realizes that everything is right in his life--and he loves it!

Pringle: Mr. Scrooge, what has happened?
Scrooge: What's happened is perfectly simple, Pringle--I've discovered that I like life!

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Awwww :)

So proud of those Siebert boys! Mark and Matt, rock Taiwan!

Sunday, December 05, 2010


Exhausting work. Some days I want to quit, but I know I can't...this is the friendship I have chosen, and the work that was specified in the 3 year old and since abandoned contract. Regardless of what has happened, I'm holding up my end of the deal. I always will. Even when I tell myself Stop. It's too hard to maintain this. Think of yourself. The situation presents itself and I can no longer think of myself, only of saving the day. I think I'm in this until the death. Sometimes I remind myself of Katniss. Only thinking of saving one person...because they saved me the first time around.

On a related note, I need to learn how to cry on command. I've got a feeling we'll only be able to pull the I'm-angry-let's-talk-outside-routine a couple of times. But if I know how to cry and make a dramatic exit...that would be perfect.

PS: Things are cryptic. DEAL WITH IT. If you can't handle it, don't read my blog :)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Please Appreciate

I got this drawing in the mail the other day and, hello, how can looking at this wolf NOT make your day? I laughed for like five minutes.
But now I am asking myself...what is so funny about a wolf? Maybe it's because I didn't expect it, or maybe it's simply the fact that the caption to this wolf said: "I tried to draw a wolf, but it looks like a pig. Maybe it should be called a wig?"

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I think this is bad news

So on Monday, I took a math test.
Unfortunately, I was very sick...too sick to concentrate. I think I spent half my time in the testing center staring at other people.
The next day, I couldn't even remember any of the problems that were on the test. Except I do remember the method I used to get one answer and...I think I did it wrong. Hmmm--somehow, this does not sound good. Oh well! Every college student needs to take and fail at least one test on account of sickness....right?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I miss this

So could just walk, and listen to the Mississippi river, and get lost in your thoughts. I love Nauvoo.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I could NOT resist

I've already posted this picture on my blog, but I had to repost it. How could I not? My grandfather hates dressing like Santa Claus (as this picture clearly shows).

Oh, and shameless plug--go see Christmas Carol at the Hale. If you have never seen it there, you have no clue what you are missing. Plus, Chris Brower is playing Scrooge again this year!! Fantastic show, fantastic music, fantastic cast, fantastic director (if I do say so myself...). Seriously. You. Will. Love. It.

TDF. For real.

This artichoke dip recipe courtesy of my ever fabulous Aunt Kathi.

This blog post especially for the dears Erin Despain and Kaitlin Hansen.

1 one pound can of artichoke hearts (cut up)
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
Dash of garlic salt

Mix everything together, place in casserole dish.
Bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

Eat with crackers, tortillas chips, will not be disappointed!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hi, my name is Natalie...

...and I'm a teacher.

I cannot tell you how gratifying it is to say that I'm a teacher (I know, I know I'm not an actual teacher yet--but I have been teaching the past few weeks, and I've learned a ton!! Mostly that I want nothing more than to have a class of my own). I love going to the store and buying supplies for my lessons, and telling the clerk, "I'm a teacher".

The thing about teaching is that it has been my dream for years. A few months ago I was not very happy, and I was praying that I would be happy even though my "school girl dreams" weren't coming true, and then I realized--my school girl dreams are coming true. I am doing everything in my power to become a teacher (which I want more than anything), and it makes me happy that I'm working on achieving my goals.

Yeah, I'm just happy about this.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Dating Don'ts: Part 1

I think it's safe to say that I have had a lot of awkward dating experiences (don't get me wrong--I have had tons of amazing dating experiences as well, but for some reason the weird one are the most fun to remember--after time has passed, of course...). I could totally write a book on dating do's and don'ts. Maybe I will include a list in TSY...or maybe the experiences in TSY will speak for themselves. Anyway, I will now begin a list of dating don'ts. All my rules are put in place from personal experience. I know what I'm talking about.

1. In general, if you don't even know someone's middle name, you should not be kissing them.

2. Do not date your TA.

3. Do not tell your date she's "a lot more normal than you thought [she] was gonna be."

To be continued...

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Obscure guys I like

Ahhh....the Winter Warlock. Remember the part when his heart melts like ice? I love this man.

Sunday, November 07, 2010


Hmm. I know that nobody really cares for the useless blogs I post, but actually--I care about them! Because two years from now I'll read this post and think, yeah, that was a fun weekend! I'm so glad I blogged about that so I can remember it.

So on Friday we went to Ruby River. It's connected to some hotel, so while we waited for our table we sat in the hotel lobby. Don't worry, the whole BYU football team was there. Bronco even made an appearance. We tried to take a secret picture but it was a little too obvious. But a football player's wife called us 'nothings'. A little baby tried to wander into the area we were sitting in and her mother said, "Oh sweetie, there's nothing over there" to which my friend replied, "Oh yeah, we're nothing? Cool. Cute baby though." It was pretty fun...except for the part where I had to go home and finish a paper that was due at midnight. Sent it, forgot about it, and all is well!

I guess the only other item of note is that Friday I wore jeans for the first time all week. It felt oddly comfortable.

Oh,and I'm cutting my hair tomorrow. Does that surprise you? It shouldn't, if you follow my patterns of behavior. Perfectly normal! I cut my hair at the funniest intervals. Ha. I guess it's typically been once a semester, actually...for my whole college career. Huh. Funny!

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Must read

The Lump of Coal by Lemony Snicket.

"Perhaps I should just bury myself and become a diamond after thousands of years of intense pressure."
--The Lump of Coal

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

The highlight of my day

Kinda lame when the highlight of your day comes at 6:30 in the morning, take what you can get, right?

I laughed for like 5 minutes after I read this in an email. I know it probably isn't that funny, but to me, at was hilarious. Plus the author is British, which for some reason makes it even funnier.

"But hey, there's lots of cool things happening soon, like Christmas and the...Millenium?"

Great. Now I really have something to look forward to.

Monday, November 01, 2010


It's true that the only thing younger grades can reach is your backside. So, to get your's like poke, poke, poke... Um, excuse me?! Definitely something I need to get used to, because it's weird.

Also, I taught today. My teacher observed. At the top of her observation sheet, she wrote "Natalie's 1st lesson=Fantastic!" Okay so hello, can it get better than that? She said I was way above passable. Thank goodness. I'm good at something! Unless it was a fluke. That would be bad.

One more thing: my class has a Monson. Jenaca's class has a Hinckley. Too funny.

We are...the Barnett Bulldogs!!! (It's from their school cheer that I don't know, but had to lead today. Yeah, that was awkward)

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Careless and unthinking, I moved onward.

And in my twisted face, there's not the slightest trace of anything that even hints at kindness. And from my tortured shape, no comfort, no escape. I see, but deep within is utter blindness. Hopeless, as my dream dies. As the time flies--love a lost illusion. Helpless. Unforgiven. Cold and driven to this sad conclusion...

Let the world be done with me.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The babe

Well, the babe and I have been together since June 2009. I watched him learn to walk, talk (in English and Spanish), and sing new songs. I taught him the word "no" (whoops). I watched his imagination develop. I saw his love for bells and bears grow. We wandered through museums together. We watched many bowling games.

I looked forward to seeing him every day, and he was always happy to see me as well. We had many adventures together. I've held on to that babe and cried sorrows away more than once. He was always the first person I told when good things happened. We love each other.

Stupid practicum.

The babe just called me and we had a good chat. It was his bedtime, but after about ten minutes it became apparent he wasn't going to hang up the phone. It was up to me to say goodbye and just hang up.

The hardest part was that he kept saying, "tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, bells tomorrow" and I had to tell him, "No, later, we'll see each other later". I don't want him to think I've abandoned him! I don't want him to forget about me. Because I'll never forget him!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Positive Reflection

I have had a hard week. For tonight's blog, however, I decided to try something called "positive thinking" (if you have had a hard week, like me, you may need to look up the

Two things saved my day.

The best thing about my day: lunch with Jarom.

The second best thing about my day: having a whole bag of chocolate kisses in my backpack. All to myself.One more bright thing: we finally received our practicum placements (practicum starts on Tuesday). I am going to be in a first grade classroom at Barnett Elementary! Whoo...wish me luck--I'm gonna need it!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


(Sidenote: Lately I have been loving the use of random, capital words. I know, I know, it's like yelling. Sorry.)

I can't even remember when this happened--sometime toward the beginning of this semester? I went to Lagoon with the Vogel's (it was so fun, by the way) and (are you ready for this?) I actually went on roller coasters. Yes, it's true. I, Natalie K Murray, went on Wicked, the white old one, and the Samurai! I can't remember if there were any other scary ones. AND I didn't even cry (although I was close to tears right as Wicked started to move down the track).

It felt great, not because I love the thrill of roller coasters, but because I faced a fear.

That's two fears I have faced within the past few months. I rode on an airplane without having a panic attack (I actually loved it) and I went on some scary rides! My life is seriously changing, because now I realize that I can do hard and scary things. Yes!

Waiting in line for Wicked!

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

8 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter.

This family:

Is actually very similar to my family (in terms of personality):

And we love them almost as much as we love each other. I can't even describe how much I love sitting with my family, watching the Hennessys. The best similarity is my dad and Paul Hennessy. Oh boy.

Paul's final article: "Okay readers, today we're having a little pop quiz, it's multiple choice, so sharpen your number 2 pencils and put your thinking caps on. Ready? Here's a quote: "Dad, you're an idiot." Now, contestants, this was said to me because of which of the following transgressions? A: Coming to the breakfast table wearing pajamas and black socks? B: Asking my oldest daughter if that guy I saw her talking to yesterday at school was her boyfriend? C: Referring to rapper Fiddy Cent as "Fifty Cents"? or D: Entering the room? Okay, pencils down. Actually it was a trick question. The answer is all of the above. Now do you know how many times I called my father an idiot? Zero. Why? Because I feared him. Back then we didn't share our deep personal feelings, our deepest conversations usually revolved around the tigers bull pen. But my kids, I can't get them to shut up! There's not a feeling that my kids are afraid to express over and over and over. And my wife reassures me this is a good thing over and over and over, and she's always right. So do I wish that my kids feared me? Well my house would be quieter, and I'd spend a lot less time in the bathroom, but no. Because I know that whenever they insult me whether it's a "You're an idiot," "You're a geek," or an "I hate you," an "I love you" isn't far behind. And it's the knowledge that my wife and kids love me that makes it safe for me to wear pajamas and black socks to the breakfast table."

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A funny story about a caterpillar

I don't know why the sound gets off. It bugs me. But you should still watch the video.

Friday, September 24, 2010

OH my day.

So, due to personal reasons that would probably be TMI for most of you faithful fifteen, yesterday I had a killer headache. No, was bad. I get headaches a lot, but every once in a while I get this awful migraine that varies in intensity but is always super bad. Yesterday wasn't one of the worst migraines, but it was bad enough that I felt like throwing up all day and by the time I got home from work at 8pm, my eyes couldn't focus anymore.

SO doesn't it sound lovely? Like I said before, I got home at 8. I still had to do a lot of reading for my class and write a paper, but I could barely stand I was in so much pain. I decided to go straight to bed, and told myself I'd get up at 4 to finish (but first start) my homework.

I went to bed at 8:30...woke up at 2am, tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. I finally got up at 3, did my readings, and wrote a 3 pg. paper (it took my like 30 minutes, which was fantastic. Inspiration about classroom rules apparently just flows at 3am!). Then at 4 I was miraculously finished with my homework, so I took an hour nap, got up at 5, showered, and did last minute preparations for my 8 o'clock class.

Then after work today I took my math test. Not even has felt like a very long day.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Happy birthday, Jarom!

He's the best. Seriously.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Don't you wish you'd go on forever?

And you'd never stop? Oh...Curly!

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

In the words of Plato

So here's the honest truth (or rather, the truth as I see it): being an El Ed major means getting a lot of flack. Please know that no, I did not pick this major as a "fall back" just so I can breeze through college, get married, and have kids (honestly, the El Ed major it NOT a breeze. No, it isn't ChemE but it's not easy. Have you ever thought about learning all subjects so well you could teach the intricate basics to children who can't even write their own name?). I picked this major because I'm passionate about helping kids, about seeing the connections that are fostered in school. Not only academic connections but social and emotional connections. Is that wrong? Does that mean I'm a flighty, silly girl? "What I do-what I choose to do-may be dumb to you, but it's not to me. Is it dumb that they need me there? Is it dumb to care? Because I do, you see."

So before we move on to Plato, here are two quotes from the Readers' Digest that I liked, on the subject of education.

"If we teach small children, don't tell us that our jobs are "so cute" and that you wish you could glue and color all day long."

"We take on the role of Mother, Father, psychologist, friend, and adviser every day. Plus, we're watching for learning disabilities, issues at home, peer pressure, drug abuse, and bullying."

And NOW for the wise words of Plato.

"Power and capacity of learning exists in the soul already...the instrument of knowledge can only by the movement of the whole soul be turned from the world of becoming into that of being...and must there not be some art which will effect conversion in the easiest and quickest manner?"

And that, my faithful fifteen, is what I'm doing. I'm perfecting an art to help those around. Those dear, sweet, souls who haven't quite gained the ability to change their lives on their own. First they need scaffolding and love and support. It's an art. Changing people's lives is an art, and I'm going to be a Van Gogh.


Thursday, September 02, 2010


So, more than a year ago I posted this. Now time has passed and I have some additional information. That summer was a pretty good one...

...but this summer has been the best of my life. Yeah. Take that, 2007.

PS: I could have used a different picture of us at the rodeo, but for some reason I really like my dad in the background sticking his finger in my ear.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

On the Plane

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Friday, July 23, 2010

3 for 3!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

July 22

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My first "Vlog"

The only reason I did this was for Dad.

Monday, July 19, 2010

My Sunday

On Saturday I worked until about 1:00am. Got home at 1:45, got ready, finally got into bed a little after 2.

Got up at 6 to get ready for ward council.

At 7:30, I trekked up to the Benson with my presidency and half of the Elder's Quorum. Guess what? No meeting.

Got back to my apartment at 7:45, slept until 8:15. Went back to the Benson.

Sacrament meeting was good! Skipped Sunday school to talk with the bishop...and the stake relief society presidency...and the stake presidency...and Brother Winters. Talked about my move, and my membership records. Reached no conclusions.

Called my mom, started crying. Pulled it together in time for 3rd hour. Decided what to do.

Relief Society was also great. Went home, had a meeting at 12:30. Went visiting teaching at 1:30. Went to my parents house at 2. Slept until 4.


Refused to harvest, or help with shake n bake. Set the table, though. Sniped also.

Had chocolate. Felt a little better. Went to my grandparents. Better still. Jarom came over. Best yet. Good ending to a....not so great day.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

A touch of nostalgia

From summer 2007

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Book Review!

I absolutely loved this book. It was charming and heartwarming and...blah blah blah. A woman at work lent it to me and I just loved it. I should probably practice writing book reviews, because this is not the most informative one ever. It takes place during WWII and is written as a series of letter between an author and people living on a small island called Guernsey. It is so good! The feel kind of reminded me of Anne of Green Gables. Anyway, enough with the verbosity. Read it, love it, cherish it. I already do!

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

Monday, June 21, 2010

Two Missionaries

Elder Orr leaves for Washington at 5am tomorrow morning, but Sister Bates still has a few more weeks. These two are going to be the best missionaries! Seriously.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Sister Vella

I was going to write a blog about Aspen Grove, but I don't really feel like it anymore. I've been thinking a lot about Sister Vella and I want to talk about her. The problem is that I'm not eloquent-and I think we all know that-so bear with my inadequate scribblings about a wonderful woman.

At first Sister Vella may have been hard to get along with because she has a very brisk, no-nonsense personality. We were talking about it the other day and my dad said, "She acted like she knew everything, but...she really did!" And it's true. Sister Vella knew everything. Speaking of Sister Vella, someone said, "If you didn't love her, then you didn't know her." I don't think there could be a better phrase. If you really knew Sister Vella, you would know how generous, kind, and loving she was.

The more I thought about Sister Vella, the more I realized what she has done for me. I didn't see her a lot-especially after they moved-but she still impacted my life through serving my family and specifically my mom.

  • She would frequently bring over half of whatever food she made for her family. We always had a jar of Sister Vella's soup in the fridge. My dad mentioned it in his talk, but our favorite thing was tomatoes with mozzarella cheese in vinegar. Yum! No one cooked as well as Sister Vella.
  • She made my Irish dance costume-and a matching one for my doll.
  • She made a new underskirt for my prom dress, so it would be long enough.
  • She came with me to Jarom's farewell so I wouldn't have to go alone.
  • She offered help and materials for my projects in school.
Besides all that, she was my mom's best friend.

Sister Vella loved babies, and I just hope she's in Heaven finding my children and helping to teach and prepare them for me.

I'm glad that Sister Vella can be at peace now, and not have to worry about any health problems. But we will miss her! I just hope that I can look to her example as a way to live my life. I want to be as generous and giving a person as Sister Vella was.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

This is the truth

And I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out. So, for the first half of this week I had a pretty awful attitude! I'm serious, ask anyone. Actually, ask Jarom. He'd know. I was sulky, and mean, and caustic, and sarcastic...yeah it was basically great.

So today I decided to put on a positive attitude before I left for work. I decided that I was going to smile more, complain less, laugh more, roll my eyes less. I did it. For half of the day I had to chant in my mind: "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful..." (What About Bob) but it worked. I had a positive attitude, and I even survived the Tell class.

Positive thinking works.

It also probably helped that I skipped one of my two hour classes. But I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful!

Random picture: we rode the bus!

Thursday, May 06, 2010

I can do this!

"It's knowing what they want of me that scares me. It's knowing having followed, I must lead. It's knowing that each person there compares me to those in my past whom I now succeed...

I know expectations are wild and almost beyond my fulfillment, but they won't hear a word of a doubt or see signs of a weakness. My nigh on impossible duty is clear. If I can rekindle my ancestor's dreams, it's enough."

Thursday, April 08, 2010


Jarom took me to see Muse on Monday...and it was awesome!! The only problem was that both of us decided to not wear our coats, and it was snowing, so...we got soaked. But it was fun.

Also, sidenote: People like Macs more than they like me.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Really, subconscious?

Me: Last night I had a dream that we had some huge family emergency and Dad, Grandpa Murray and I went to Japan to help out.

Uncle Kurt: Do you watch King of the Hill?

Me: No....

Uncle Kurt: Oh, because that is exactly what happens in one of the episodes.

Why can't my dreams parallel fairytale shows instead of shows like King of the Hill? Lame!

Monday, March 29, 2010

A very unproductive day

I feel like my heart is breaking, but I don't know why. Is it because I thought I had what I wanted, but maybe I actually don't (have it, that is)?

And Mark and Noelle are already gone, and I miss them like crazy. I didn't spend nearly enough time with them before they left.

Banana squash, then, it wasn't goodbye-they're coming back. And we'll write. But I'm just curiously sad this evening.

Which means I haven't done any homework. Oh well. I just started reading Ender in Exile. So basically that's all I want to do. I probably will go read a bit now.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Today in VAEDU we did a brainstorming activity where we had to write down 100 things that had to do with us. Like...write down 100 things that are connected to you! Ready...go! If you didn't know, this is actually quite hard. I would write something down and then focus on that one thing and get sidetracked. So I got a lot of random things on my list. A few names appeared. I will now give a list of the names along with the brainstormed words that made me think of these people (if my sentences don't make sense it's because I'm tired).

1. MTC Bookstore, Elders, Jarom.

2. Theater, Irish, Janna.

3. Concentration camp, Nauvoo, Hannah.

4. Laptop, migraines, Gabe.

5. Scera, Orem High, Syd Riggs.

6. Paranoia, panic attacks, chemical engineer.

7. Chocolate ice cream, commuting, Doug Wright.

8. Store squad, talking, Finnegan.

9. Shopping, G2 pens, Grettir.'s weird. And if you are on this list, don't read too much into the words that made me think of your name. Associations our minds make can be really, really weird and far out.

Monday, March 01, 2010

My boys

They aren't really my boys. They would probably feel awkward if they knew I referred to them in such a manner. Oh well! We spent hours on end together, sitting in front of computers, making really yummy chocolate-caramel shakes, talking about our lives (well, I did all the talking), proposing to each other (I also did all the proposing), and just being silly and having fun. Oh, did I mention we had to make Frazil, write a novel, and have twig pencil contests? Sometimes I look back and think I didn't really like working at Aspen Grove. But then I remember that I loved being with my boys, and having adventures with my awesome roommates, and then I realized that I loved Aspen Grove.

Oh yeah, we also liked to frolic. Well actually, Brandon was the frolicker. After the closing show we would go into the store, keep the doors locked, and turn on Space Jam or Disney. Then Brandon would skip and jump around the store...yeah, fun.

But one time Ryan and I were closing (and we had a habit of taking a looooong time to close the store because we would just get talking, and laughing...). So anyway, one day it was pretty late and someone came to the door-it was probably Brandon. We were in the middle of counting our money so Ryan, as he counted his bundle of ones, began frolicking toward the door. As he frolicked, he threw one dollar bills like they were confetti.

We kept finding ones hidden in and under the candy displays for a few days. But it was really funny.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Okay, seriously?

Today? Of all the days in the the year...why today?

Oh, my life! It is wonderful and amazing, but complicated! Huh. I should never have challenged the year 2010, because it's giving me a run for my money. These chapters in TSY are going to be awesome! Please stay tuned for any further developments.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Just trust me.

I have been cogitating a lot recently on my life and, more specifically, issues I have with trust. Obviously my blog is no place to bare my soul, so I will not. But I will divulge just a smidgen ( word) of information.

I have a hard time trusting new people. This is a problem, because it means that I am hard to read and fickle. It's just hard. It's hard giving away all your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and putting them out in the open to be laughed at or rained on, or to eventually be discarded.

Like...I trusted you with my feelings. Now that you're gone, what happened to those thoughts I gave you? Did they float away on the breeze? Is someone going to find them? Will I get an email from the BYU lost and found? Those were personal. If I had known you would, one day, cease to appreciate all I had given you...I wouldn't have given it away in the first place.

Anyway. I realized yesterday that this is why I hold on to things. Because there are some things and people in my life that, from my limited knowledge and experience, I am fairly certain I can trust. I just want to hold onto them because trust has already been established--I don't have to work for that again.

But maybe that isn't right anymore. Maybe it's time to move on, grow, and stretch as I learn to trust. Growing pains-that's all this is.

I feel like I should have realized this sooner. But now we're down to the wire.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

It's picked the worst time.

Life is fine, life is good-especially mine, which is just as it should be.

Saturday, February 06, 2010


I guess I finally caught the babe's cold. Blaaaah. Well, I'd guess I'd rather have the babe's cold than the ChemE's flu or whatever.

Oh yeah, and the other day in my music class we were talking about finding the beat of songs and stuff like that. Brother Jaccard was having us sing random songs like "Are You Sleeping?" and "My Country 'tis of Thee". He announced that the next song would be "This Old Man". Everyone started singing kind of awkwardly because I guess they didn't know the words? Luckily I know every last thing that old man played because I sing "This Old Man" at least once a day.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

The truth is...

The truth is that I'm wearing pajamas and my new Land's End shoes (LOVE them), eating cinnamon bears, writing an essay, and trying to figure out my life. It's definitely attractive. The life of a single college student=glamorous!

Monday, February 01, 2010

When I was a girl, I had a favorite story.

"And now I stand here, starry eyed and stormy. Oh, just when I thought my heart was finally numb a beautiful young man appears before me, singing, "Come...oh, won't you come?" And what can I do if finally, for the first time, the one I'm burning for returns the glow? If love has come at last it's picked the worst time. Still I know...I've got to go.

Fly away, meadowlark. Fly away in the silver morning. If I stay, I'll grow to curse the dark. So it's off where the days won't bind me. I know I leave wounds behind me but I won't let tomorrow find me back this way. Before my past once again can blind away. And we won't wait to say goodbye, my beautiful young man and I."

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Talk radio

Now that I have joined the ranks of the commuters, I feel like I'm an adult. I even listen to talk radio all the time now, and yes I love it. I think Doug Wright is awesome! KSL Newsradio 1160 really has become my favorite pre-set. Haha.

Anyway, the other day I turned on the radio at night and the man (not my beloved Doug Wright) was talking about teachers. In a gist, these were his comments. "Teachers do so much more than we give them credit for. They are overworked and under appreciated." Now, I was so happy he was saying this. I was like, Yes! Good, stand up for us! but he then went on to say "This is exactly why we need to link teacher's salaries to their success rate. We need to have a way to compensate the teacher's with high test scores and punish those who aren't performing well."

Okay, I've known this is a big issue for a long time, but this did not make me happy. There is absolutely NO way you should be compensating a teacher based on standardized test scores. Not all children in your classroom, no matter how effectively you teach, will receive "adequate scores" as outlined by the government.

Let's say, for example, that a teacher has many students for whom English is their second language. They may progress leaps and bounds past where they began in the course of a school year, but chances are they won't score as high as native English speakers. Test scores, then, would indicate the teacher is not a "good" teacher, since the whole class isn't in the exact same place.

So the government is going to punish me for being an ESL specialist? Because I have an ESL endorsement, I may have many ELLs in my classroom. Even if I do my best and help them progress past their initial level, my salary will be lower than teachers with a classroom composed mainly of native English speakers and "gifted" children.

It just doesn't make sense, and I haven't even touched on alternate assessments yet, which is something else to consider. If the salary needs to be linked to something, link it to how much students progress through the year, not on their final test scores.

How can I jump on the bandwagon and kill this idea?

Saturday, January 30, 2010


Join the darn club.

Monday, January 25, 2010

1st Semester

Well, so far the "Arts Semester" has been...weird. Like, a lot of random busy work? I don't know, it's not really my style. I like my PE class because I feel like we're actually learning really practical things about how to teach but the other classes are just kinda vague, like integrate the arts! Okay. Anyway, this week for VAEDU we have to do 5 crayon processes. I am not crafty, or creative. The hardest part is actually coming up with something to draw. We're supposed to be drawing things that somehow connect to us, so I turned to the pictures on my phone for help. This is what my latest crayon process turned out to be (the process is "stained glass"-that's why there are lots of random, dark lines and awkward colors everywhere). I'm just proud that I actually created something.

The Inspiration

The Interpretation

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The truth

So, my teaching partner and I taught our first day of PE yesterday. We were very nervous because1. we have never taught a full lesson before and 2. we had to teach Kindegarten. Yes, you heard me right...kindegarten! I am not an Early Childhood Education major. I never imagined that I would have to teach these youngsters.

So anyway, we got to the school, set up our Rules/Consequences, Time Out, and Circuit Training signs, and then the class arrived. At first I was terrified and had no idea what I was saying, but after a few minutes I just fell right into the teaching routine and it went really smoothly (I think).

The kids were great. It was surprising to me how enthusiastic they all were because, as a jaded college student, I don't really get excited about class. Especially not PE class. But they were so happy.

One little girl kept running across the gym every time I called out "Toe to Toe!" because she wanted to be my partner. At one point she just reached up for a was really cute. I only had to give one girl a reminder, and later I had to send the same girl to time out. Hopefully she will get better at following rules.

But I wanted to share a bit of honesty. I was demonstrating the hula hoop station, and told the kids that if they didn't know how to hula hoop they could jump rope with it, or spin it around their arm. Then...

Me: "If you can't do it around your waist, try spinning it on your arm like this..." and the hula hoop promptly flew off my arm. "Yeah...just like that."
Ezra: "Um,'re not very good at that."

Um, nope. Thanks kid.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

This is the reason I left the MTC

And I think it was a pretty good trade.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Quote of the Weekend

Completely random, older man at a wedding reception, to me: "I don't know you, but I hate you. Because you're taller than me."

Me: "Um....thanks?"

Really, what are you supposed to say to that? Whatever.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

...and Elder Speakmann runs away with the matches.


I think.

So, today at work a missionary came up to me and started a conversation. This can be really awkward. Here is our exchange. Verbatim.

Elder Speakmann: Hi.
Me: Hi.
ES: You look bored.
Me: Well...yeah. But that doesn't mean I want to have an awkward conversation with you. No offense.
ES: We're leaving soon.
Me: Where are you headed?
ES: Chile. Do you ask everyone that? How do you keep all the missionaries and where they're going straight?
Me: Well, I can't keep them straight since there are thousands of's really hard to remember. I do remember some people though, those that I have had extended contact with. Like...I'll remember you, since we just had this conversation!
ES: Oh...we've actually had like two conversations before this one, though.
Me: Um....sorry.

So it was kinda awkward. But THEN! The best thing that has happened to me in months happened. Who should appear out of the South entrance but LEONARD! I love this man so, so much. Not only did he appear to save the day, he appeared with a homemade banana cream "going away" pie. Leonard came to say goodbye to me (even though he doesn't even work in the MTC anymore)!

I could not have left the MTC on a better note.

Monday, January 04, 2010


As I watched the ball drop from 2009 to 2010 , I almost started crying because I felt hopeless and lost. It was not the greatest start to a new year. Later that night as I got ready for bed, I found myself wishing that it was the beginning of 2007 instead. I thought I could make so many different, better choices if I had a chance to do it again.

But then I started realizing what the consequences for changing my actions would be. For instance, one of the first things I would do differently is breaking up with Jarom. But if I had never broken up with J, I would never have dated Scott. Had I never dated S, I never would have worked at Aspen Grove that summer.

Had I missed out on the opportunity to work at Aspen Grove, I wouldn't have met Alice or Mike D. If I had never met Alice, I wouldn't have developed a great friendship, or learned how to have fun, or how to get an A in religion. I wouldn't have moved out or met any of the amazing people in the BYU 210th ward. I wouldn't have met Ben or Thayne!

If I had never met Mike D, I never would have met Mike W. And I wouldn't trade that time for the world-MW is one of the funniest people I've ever met. If I had never met MW, I wouldn't have learned how to make proper fried rice, or how to have a Tim Tam Slam!! Also, I would have delayed watching The Dark Knight (actually, that wouldn't have been so bad...)

Well, I could talk about stuff that never would have happened for hours. But as I thought through this series of my life events, I realized that, although I've definitely been through some tough times, each experience helped me grow and shape my life in amazing ways...and I love what my life is becoming. I wouldn't trade any of these experiences for the world.

So, 2010, I'm glad you're here.

Also...bring it on.