Okay, so I'm lame.

“What was the price Steve quoted you on this?”
“I think it was…uh…37. Yeah--37.”

So the total was 37 dollars and no cents.

He took off his bald-covering beret and pulled out his debit card. After a few tries, he finally swiped it the right way.

Taking the accordion straps and receipt from my hands, he smiled that old smile that made me want to cry and said (with a slight shake of his head), “It’s good to see you. Merry Christmas.”

This is lame, but I was almost too choked up to answer. “Oh, you too, Mr. Hill.” I finally said.

He didn’t realize that merely seeing him again had made my Christmas merry.

A Christmas Eve past

I love the spirit around Christmas-time, and I love my family.

I just want to marry you!

*sigh*

Confessions

Once I had a dream that Donald Trump and I were best friends.

I secretly want Pam and Toby to hook up. I'm kinda mad at Jim right now, but I haven't seen last night's episode yet.

I like Toby better than Jim.

I don't really like Skittles.

I miss dancing. Today I danced (with my shoes on) for the first time in a while and it was so fun. My legs are killing me now and I've lost a lot of my technique. Argh.

Clogging shoes feel amazingly comfortable after dancing in Jig shoes.

I'm convinced that Professor Snape will turn out to be a good guy.

Four gals and a guy

Tonight I will divulge a musical talent (it's not really a talent. It's a bad habit) that I have acquired. But first, I will tell a story.

The year was 2004. My piano team and I were frantically preparing for a big 5 piano competition thing. Day after day, week after week we met and practiced our songs again and again. (Well, okay-we weren't really "frantically preparing". We were pretty darn apathetic. But I digress.) So anyway. We were having fun, because, let's face it: You get Natalie, Natalie, Sarah, Jennifer, and Nathan into a room all playing the piano at the same time-it can only turn out to be hilarious, right?

Anyway, every piano lesson was an adventure-but one thing was certain: Nathan always played as loud and as fast as he could. It was so funny.

Well we won our competition. Yay.

After that competition, Nathan stopped taking lessons. (Thanks a lot, Nate.) Now whenever we had a 5 piano practice, we all missed Nate insanely. So, gradually, I adopted his playing style.

Isn't that horrible?!

(Don't worry-I can play normally when I want to, but my default setting is now as loud and fast as possible!)

Grand Canyon nostalgia

You've just gotta eat your chocolate ice cream with barbecue chips! How come no one else agrees with me on that? If you had been there, you would certainly understand. By the way, I hear that the squirrels in the Grand Canyon don't speak German. I wonder what happened to the tadpole refuge Amanda and I set up? Did you know the North Rim of the Grand Canyon is haunted? I'll tell that story sometime, but I'd better stop now.

What reason have you got to be miserable? You're rich enough.

There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. The thing is to try to do as much as you can in the time that you have. Remember Scrooge, time is short, and suddenly, you're not here any more.

A fun day at Summerhays

Today TJ and I couldn't stop laughing about random things. Alex didn't help the problem, either. I haven't had this much fun at work since Ron left (oh, I miss Ron!).

Here are a few quotes from Alex:
"Hey, I'm not making fun of your spiritual leg experience. Well, ok, now I am."
"I can't be a good judge of character in just...4 days."
"You should see the before. It's worse than the now!"
"His wife wants to have eight children. But he only wants to have zero."

And the best quote of the night is from TJ:
Me: TJ, line one is for you.
TJ: *picks up the phone* Hi mom!
BT: *on the other end of the phone* I am NOT your mother!
Me: *laughing hysterically*

(Okay, so you would have to be there to know how funny this stuff really is. But trust me, it was absolutely hilarious at the time)

When you turn a gift away from your door, it goes to the one who takes it in.

I watched A Simple Twist of Fate today. It's been years since I've seen that movie, but I still love it! Movie party!

Although it's a little disturbing...

...this picture does make me laugh.

A depressing doctor appointment

This is hard for me! I love my long legs-I love being tall. It's dumb, but it's true. Especially after talking to Mr. Clinton yesterday. Boy, that was enlightening. ;) But there will come a time when I will have to give up something I love for something (or someone) I love even more. That might be a really hard decision for me.

Two "secret pictures"

Just for fun.

Happiness is whatever you want it to be

A very short list of things that make me really happy. More to come, I'm sure.

How I'm feeling today:

I'm in a really bad mood.

Big Tuna

I love him. Just love. Really, I almost love him more than I love Almonzo Wilder.

Look for a sky of blue

I just felt like posting some Little Mary pictures. It's kinda sorta almost been one year! I love Little Mary Sunshine!

A rather sentimental blog (AKA Natalie almost cried while talking to Mr. Bowman today)

You know the movie Father of the Bride? I love that one. But it makes me sad. Since it's told from the Father's point of view, it makes me feel bad when he gets all sad that his daughter is leaving. It's so hard, especially knowing that my dad and I are going to go through this exact situation in a matter of years. I love my dad so much-I don't really know how to explain it. I have this desire to move on with my life; at the same time, I feel sorrowful at the thought of leaving my family, most especially my mom and dad.

Anyway, the reason why I'm thinking about this stuff is because Mr. Bowman's daughter is getting married tomorrow, and today when I was talking to him he mentioned he'll be sad when she isn't around anymore to just hang out with. Things change, and that's hard.

Sometimes, I have a really hard time with change.

You may ask, "How did this tradition get started?"

I'll tell you...I don't know.

This is such a typical picture of our Fiddler family. The boys getting in trouble by dad. JJ doing whatever he wants. Erica looking...like Erica, and Abby and I doing each other's hair, while our mother looks on. Nice.

Band Halloween party

I think the highlight of the party was when Mr. Bowman spit his doughnut out and then threw it on the roof. I thought I might die laughing.

The mark of a true Irish dancer

Can you see it?

Do you have one?

PS-It's not a bruise...that's a first.

Stake Dance Festival

Fun stuff.

Irish dancing

It was so much fun, guys! I'm very proud of us. We absolutely can not stop dancing now! Let's start an Irish club!

"This is the second peaches"

dust. a lot of dust.

Pretty sure I bought hard shoes, not wood sanders. What is with all that sawdust coming from my shoes?!

Memories

Remember this? We were locked out of the bus! How could they do that to us? We should have had Mark knock down the door with his super villain powers.

Plus, look at what Mark has in his hand.

The fruit snacks.

Hey, don't get me steamed, ok?

I told you he wasn't a real superhero...

You Are Batman

Billionaire playboy by day. Saving the world by night.And you're not even a true superhero. Just someone with a lot of expensive toys!

What Superhero Are You?

The truth comes tumbling out (otherwise entitled Mark, Natalie, and Hannah have problems controlling their laughter)

Hannah, Mark, and I have problems when we sit by each other in band. It's just the truth. Actually, Mark's pretty good at controlling his laughter. I'm horrible. We just have too many inside jokes. That's what makes band so fun, really. Well, that and the fruit snacks and pencil.

I wonder if Mr. Bowman knew he was committing musical suicide by putting us in orchestra together. Has he had a falling out with Mr. Hendriksen recently? If so, that could be why he sent us all in there...revenge...

I can't believe the Les Mis lady admitted she knew the mafia guy. I thought this was supposed to be a secret? Oh well. We'll have to make it Astransky's personal mission to save [most of] the pit orchestra from that man. Maybe we could get the Claminator in on this too. Desperate times call for desperate measures, guys.

What NOT to do during a music theory test

• Don't look at comics Mark has drawn.
• Don't alter the comics that Mark drew.
• Don't look at Mr. Bowman.
• Dont sit in the front.
• And if the problem is really serious...don't sit by Hannah (Hannah, you know I love you, but we do have problems controlling our laughter).

But if you want to do these things during band, that's totally different...

Isn't it about time?

I love my family so much. I love my sisters and my older brother, and I absolutely adore my parents. I want to marry someone just like my dad. Some may consider me to be a nerd. But I just have to say it. I love them.

I also love all my cousins. They're such good examples to me, especially Alex. I'm glad that Jared's going on a mission. I love that I can look at my older cousin's lives to see how I might shape my own life. My aunts and uncles are the coolest people in the world. I love talking to them and I love the feeling that I'm loved and that we're all in this together.

I have awesome grandparents as well. They are so wise and they teach me so many things. I am so grateful to them for the way they raised my parents, and the values they instilled in them, which are in turn instilled in me.

The best part about this? I know I'm going to be with my family forever.

Treachery, deceit and...fruit snacks?

I like this new game, guys! It's a little bit like poker, without the gambling...you know, you have to keep a poker face? And I think one of the rules should be that it's okay to mislead others. Make them think you have them when you really don't, or vice versa. (And Hannah, I think Mark has them. I couldn't get Matt to talk. But I'll still work on it.)

Thank you, Colorado River.

Today I sat down and turned on the TV, but I really didn't expect to find anything worth watching. But. When I got to the travel channel, guess what was just starting! A show all about the Grand Canyon! I am so happy right now! And yet, I feel like a major nerd. I'm getting excited over a program all about the Grand Canyon. I miss it so bad. I want to go back! If anyone wants to come on a backpacking trip through the Grand Canyon with me, I say we go for it. The Grand Canyon is home to over 400 different species. The Grand Canyon is home to my heart!

PS-I could never, ever ride a mule down the canyon.

This is what happens when you go to Wendy's at midnight

What? I thought I ordered one large fry...

Funniest night of my life.

Mata Hari had a very wicked reputation...part 2

"Mata Hari was just about the wickedest woman in the whole world. First, she'd make all the boys fall madly in love with her, and then she'd toss them aside like an old pair of shoes as soon as she got what she wanted out of them."

Why don't I learn?

Who knew?

Who knew there would come a day where I can say I miss clogging and Timp Top and sincerely mean it? Well guys, that day is today. I miss clogging. I think Jan and I are going to start dancing again. Probably just for fun, but if we can find a worth while studio, I am so there.

Honestly.

Who is harder working-Oprah or Ghandi? Here's the deal...Ghandi did a lot to change the world. He probably influenced the world more than Oprah, but for the most part, he just sat around. But Oprah, on the other hand, had to work extremely hard to get where she is today.

We ran into this question the other night during our break in the show. We were playing Apples to Apples backstage and the green card was "hard working" (or a synonym) and two of the red cards were Oprah and Ghandi. It sparked quite a debate, but most of the people we asked agreed that Oprah worked harder. So, what do you guys think?

Zoe made me laugh tonight...

We were doing the wedding scene where the Russians come in, destroy the celebration, and everyone runs away. I was running up the hill with my family and we were right behind the Rabbi and his two little girls. When we got to the top of the hill, Zoe turned around, screamed at herself, "Don't look back! Oh no, I looked back! Now I've been turned into a pillar of salt. Noooo!" and immediately formed a little lump that I guess could resemble a pillar of salt. Then I heard her dad jokingly remark, "Well, now we'll have something to put on our french fries." That little girl knows her Bible stories. And, that's my favorite story of tonight's rehearsal. Actually, it's not. I really laughed harder when Golde threw Tzeitel's "baby" in the well without knowing that the well actually held water. Hmm, I need to start a book of all these funny things that happen.

What happened to the matchmaker?

Last night at rehearsal we were watching all the matchmaking going on onstage when Steve (who, by they way, shares our affinity for Dave) turned to us and said something to the effect of, "You girls are so blessed to be living in this time. You don't have to worry about some old guy being like, 'Hey, I like her. I think I'll arrange a match.' "

Steve is so right. We really are blessed to be living in this time and place. Not just because we can choose who to marry, but because of all the freedoms and rights we have. I love my life.

We also had a Dave movie party last night at rehearsal. We tried to have one, anyway. It was a little hard, but fun. If you don't like the movie Dave, I would not suggest hanging around Steve, me, or my little sisters and cousins at rehearsal, because we just quote it the whole time. We even incorporated some of Dave's move into the dream. It's great. Everyone should come see it.

The 29th of August!

My brother is coming home in just a little over a month. I can't believe it. I'm so excited! I want to swing dance with him again. I want to tell him how I really feel about everything that has happened these past two years. For some reason, I can't communicate my true feelings through emails.

I almost feel like these two years have gone by pretty quickly, but at the same time I feel like Nathan's been gone for ages. It's going to be strange having him home again-I can hardly even imagine it.

Thinking of the time my brother has been gone is making me realize just how long two years really is. It's a long time. How am I going to get through another two years? Hopefully they'll be busy and fun, and very fast. I may need some distractions, folks.

Actually, I think I'm going to be okay.

My Boyfriend

He's cute, right? Hahaha. Good memories of movie parties...

Things we do that make us laugh. Hysterically.

Late at night when we're the only people awake, Kar and I will put in a DVD and pause it at random places. Sounds dumb, but it's fun.

Last night we stayed up late taking turns drawing pictures of the cast of Fiddler on the Roof. The pictures got kinda crazy. It was fun guessing who everyone was.

At night (I'm noticing a trend here) we tell each other funny stories that happened to us during the day.

Another fun thing to do is point out a random character and call him your boyfriend in movies with funny characters. Like Narnia.

Catching snippets of Katie's jokes up at girl's camp.

The other day at piano Cameron was trying to turn on a touch lamp by blowing on it. That made me laugh.

Sometimes, we just laugh hysterically and can't stop. Those are the best/worst times.

(keep in mind, this is stuff that makes me laugh when I'm really hyper and tired. So, not all the time.)

Funny that you don't realize just how much you love something until it's gone.

Great. Anyway.

Apparently, I look like a really tall fourteen year old.

Jan and I are getting back into Irish! It's so weird to come back to it after a few years. We had our first practice for the stake dance festival, and it's going to be so much fun. I really missed Irish dancing!

I started drinking milk. My grandpa even brought me some Ovaltine to put in my milk to make it taste better. Wasn't that nice of him?

I'm planning a family reunion. The hardest part so far is getting all our extended family to commit to going. I mean, who wouldn't want to come to a family reunion in Disneyland? But I'm working on getting everyone "on board".

Another random memory

I just remembered this the other day, when my sisters were talking about it. It's one of their favorite memories of our vacation.

Setting: outside the gates at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Year: 2005
Main characters: Security guard and Random Woman

So, there we are outside the gates, taking pictures and just looking in awe at the White House (I mean, the President is in there. Too cool.), when we notice something moving in the bushes on the other side of the gate. Upon close inspection, we realize it is a big, burly guy (probably full of true grit) who is holding a big machine gun, just standing there looking scary. This slightly scares my younger sisters, but my dad clarifies that he's just there guarding the grounds, making sure nothing happens to the president. He also says that there's probably guys like that hiding all over. Plus, we've all seen Dave, so we knew that security guards are really cool guys named Duane who just look scary because they can't wear sweaters, which make their necks look too big, but they might try wearing sweater vests once in a while. ****

And onto the story.

As we're gazing at the White House, imagining the President in there is not George Bush, but really Kevin Kline, who is just impersonating the President and getting away with it-even fooling the first lady-we notice a little bit of commotion to our right. So, we walk down a little bit, and we see a Random Woman approaching the gate. "Excuse me!" she calls. "Excuse me, sir!" Her face is now kinda poked in between the bars of the security fence, that's made to look like decoration. The security guard retains his composure, but he's probably thinking, 'Who is this Random Woman that is talking to me?'

RW proceeds to ask him questions about what he is doing there, what he's holding, and why. I don't think the awesome security guard really answered, he probably just grunted and nodded a little bit. But then, she started asking him for directions to the nearest metro station. We thought that was a little weird. Apparently, so did the security guard, who retreated a little farther into the shadows. I don't exactly think you're supposed to strike up conversations with those guys. But that might just be me.

****
Dave: You ever think about wearing a sweater? Make you blend in more.
Duane: Sweaters make my neck look too thick.
Dave: Even a sweater vest? You could wear a tie.
Duane: You think a sweater vest would look good on me?

(Everyone should watch Dave!)

Secretly...

Guys, tonight you will discover something you never knew about me. Are you ready? Okay...I have a twin brother. I just found out tonight. I know we're twins because we look similar, we are around the same height, and we tease each other. Plus, I just really want to have a twin.

We're in the same family in Fiddler. We're the freak children. We don't really fit in with our family, because we are much taller than our parents. And...we're twins. So, everyone should come see Fiddler on the Roof, and you can see my twin. We also renamed ourselves. He is Ezekial, and I am now Esther. And rehearsal was tons of fun tonight! We blocked/choreographed all of tradition! I'm so proud of us. Hahahaha.

What?

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Great. Out of all the famous leaders I could have been, I'm most like Hitler.

Mazeltov, mazeltov.

Today was our first choreography rehearsal. I thought I was going to die-it was so much fun. It was hilarious. All this interpretive dance-like movement, plus Sister Allen's shimmy-it's going to be great. Everyone needs to come see Fiddler on the Roof! We're not done with the dream yet, but I already like it. I never knew so much effort went into our dreams! Hahaha. It's a little bit crazy and weird, but so much fun. Wow.

I'm back from camp!

One night at girls camp, as I lay freezing in my unzipped sleeping bag (it was unzipped so I could sleep cross-legged), I had an interesting dream. I dreamt that I was getting married.

My mom was already in the temple dressing room, and I had to go find her, so I was walking around in my wedding dress in the temple, and finally I found a dressing room with pink carpet, but I wasn't ready to get married yet so I sat down and played the piano. As I was playing the piano, I realized that I didn't want to get married to my fiance. I don't know who it was, so we'll call him Vladimir.

I was thinking, 'Gee, I really don't want to marry Vlad, but he's really my only option right now, and I really want to get married, so I guess I'll just marry him for the heck of it.' Isn't that weird? And then after I decided this I walked into the marryin' place and everyone was there...my grandparents, my parents, my friends, and musicians too! (Okay, so there were no musicians, but I couldn't help but quote Fiddler.)

I don't know what sparked this dream, but my leader said it was because I had been playing MASH the day before. Funny that I didn't marry who the game said I would. Oh well.

Happy birthday dear grandpa...

Today some theater people had a surprise party for my grandpa, and they didn't even invite us. I feel left out. I'm a little mad at LF. My grandpa doesn't particularly enjoy surprise parties, and he'd rather be with his family on his birthday, as opposed to spending the day with random people. Um, I know they're all close to him, since they've all worked in shows with him and stuff, but we're his family.

So, we crashed his party. I think everyone was like, why are they here? But who cares. We played pirates with Sawyer. He tied me to a tree, threw pinecones at me, and had a sword fight with me. Yeah. This was the best surprise party ever...not.

Playing with Sawyer was kinda fun, but the whole secrecy thing made me mad. They invited everyone but the family. Thanks, guys. What if we would have had a party planned already? What would they have done then?

The adults in our family are all going out to dinner tonight, and again, we aren't invited. So, happy birthday grandpa.

The best parts of community theater. Paraphrased.

This is a list I made last year during Sound of Music. Again, it's really random.

• Techie love
  
• Presto change-o! Quick costume/scene changes
  
• Playing jokes
  
• Skirt Wars
  
• Building new friendships
  
• Strengthening old friendships
  
• The Honakers ;)
  
• Women with spy glasses
  
• theater ghosts
  
• Sweetened tracks
  
• Learning how to do hair
  
• Staying out late
  
• Hill balancing
  
• Learning how to dance
  
• No divas (generally)
  
• Learning how to "Chogey Chogey!"
  
• Being outside
  
• My velvet broach broke...
  
• The Order of the Rosettes
  
• Family

Random memory #1

(This is the first of what will probably turn out to be lots of random stories.)

Year: 2004
Setting: SCERA Shell
Main characters: Evan, Natalie (me), dippin dots worker

Once upon a time, a couple of years ago, I was in the musical "Oklahoma!". Evan was my small friend. He was a very funny little boy.

Well, one day right after cast meeting, Even decided he wanted some dippin dots. So, Evan and I changed out of our costumes (or maybe we hadn't changed into them yet-I can't remember) and we trekked to the top of the hill to buy him some ice cream. We stood in line for a minute, chatted with some of the other people who were in line, and finally, Evan got to the front of the line, ordered his dippin dots, and we left.

When we got backstage, Evan turned to me with a horrified look on his face, held out his clenched fist, and said, "Natalie, I forgot to pay." It was very funny, actually. How do you just forget to pay?

So, being the honest person that I am, I trekked back up the hill, went to the dippin dots girl, and said, "My little brother forgot to pay for his dippin dots." (Ok, so that was a bit of a lie, but to tell the whole story would have taken too long). I felt dumb though, because the girl just looked at me like I was from Mars. Maybe I had too much stage makeup on, but I digress. It was just very awkward. Here I was, trying to do the right thing, and I got treated like some sort of freak. Oh well. The end.

(See, that was pretty random, wasn't it?)

Questions

Since when did everyone decide it was time to ruin Natalie's life? And why didn't anyone tell me? This is dumb! Why do people do dumb things?! Why can't I just start accepting things? How come I am the only person who thinks this is stupid? How come everyone else can accept it? Are they pretending? Well guess what. I'm going to learn to deal with it. It's my only option. Anyway, if I learn to start accepting things, life will be so much easier. Hooray.

Don't slouch!

"Never slouch." I heard that phrase everyday as we lined up to go to lunch in sixth grade. If I'm going to be completely honest here, I'd have to say that it bugged me to hear that. 'Just because I'm tall doesn't mean the teacher, who is also tall, has to pick on me!' I was always thinking. I never really thought about that phrase, other than to be annoyed. But guess what? Somehow, subconciously, I let it get to me. It affected my life in a major way. Out of all my teachers, I think Mr. Harward has honestly had the most influence on my life and the way I am. It's funny that I never realized it back then. Looking back, I'm so grateful for everything he taught me. He didn't just teach me geography, he taught me that being tall is cool. I never knew that until sixth grade. I was always embarrassed to be taller than my friends. After his class, it got better. So, Mr. Harward's an amazing person. He's the best. I think I need to write him a thank you note.

Guess who?

This is the beginning of my non analytical blogs! Weird!
Guys, guess who comes home tonight! Guess who's landing in sixteen minutes! Well you probably don't have to guess because I've told you all. He's probably circling the Salt Lake Airport right now, waiting for clearance to land. Ok that's enough. Anyway, I can't wait for Brian to get home because that means that Nathan will be home in a couple of months. It's always been 'where there's Brian there's Nathan' type of thing, and now it's going to happen again! I'm so excited for Nate. I'm a little bit afraid to talk to Brian because I know I'll miss Nate so much. Once when I was fourteen I was at EFY and it was like Friday, the day before we went home. Anyway, I was kinda missing my family and then Brian appeared in the bookstore. I almost cried because seeing him made me want to hang out with Nathan so much. It's almost been two years since I've seen Nathan and I still miss him as much as ever. Oh well. He's pretty close to coming home, right? I cannot wait. You have no idea.
8 more minutes....three and a half more months...Nate I miss you.

So long, farewell, au revoir, auf Wiedersehen!

Last night we said goodbye to a legend. Ok, maybe I should stop being so melodramatic. We didn't exactly have to say goodbye...well, what I mean is it's not like Mr. Hill died. He simply retired. Still, we aren't really going to see him anymore. We didn't really see him very often anyway. Only at band concerts. Why is his retirement bothering me so much?

Mr. Hill taught me how to play the clarinet. My first band experiences were with him. I went to my brother's band concerts and watched Mr. Hill, then he was my very own teacher. I really enjoyed band. Once I got into high school, I still loved Mr. Hill but I had moved on. I never thought that his retirement would bug me like this.

I'm pretty sure the reason why I'm so disturbed is because I want my little sisters to have the same experiences with him that I did. He was such a good band director. I will also miss seeing him and seeing his little quirks that always amused us. The way his head shakes, the way he shoots people when they are being disruptive. It's just so hard to let things like this go. I almost don't want to grow up. I want everything to stay the same forever.

Oh well. It's good to move on and experience new things. I'll never forget Mr. Hill or the things he taught me, but as I grow I will be able to create new memories to look back on in a few years.

"You're so nice...

...You're not good, you're not bad, you're just nice. I'm not good, I'm not nice, I'm just right. I'm the Witch. You're the world."

I don't know what I'm going to write about. I'm just in an "Into the Woods" sort of mood. The witch in into the woods is so--well, I take that back--everyone in into the woods is so biased. The witch will do anything for beauty. The baker and his wife will do anything to have a child. The step sisters will do anything to marry the prince. Cinderella's prince will do anything to get the girl. Jack and his mother will do anything for money, even sell their beloved cow. They only see what they want to see and how to obtain what they want. Well, except the narrator. He's neutral. Of course, in the end he is sacrificed by all the others so they get what they want. It doesn't work though. The giant doesn't fall for the trick, and everyone ends up with losses anyway. "You need an objective observer to pass the story along." "But some of us don't like the way you've been telling things."

The attitude of "all for one" never works. This concept is clearly demonstrated in "Into the Woods". In the first act, all the characters have a clear goal in mind. Their own personal goal in mind. They work to achieve that goal. When they finally achieve it, as they all do, at the end of Act I, "they're so happy". However, things soon start to go awry. The witch is beautiful, but she's lost her powers. The baker and his wife have their child, Cinderella and the prince are married, but they aren't satisfied with what they have. The step sisters have been blinded. A giant is terrorizing the kingdom because of Jack's greed. These things are consequences for what they have done. The characters were wearing blinders-they didn't think about what could happen and they didn't care. All they wanted was to be happy. Now that they have achieved their goal and still aren't happy, they realize something is wrong.

Finally, Cinderella, Jack, Little Red Riding Hood, and the baker realize what they have lost is a direct result of their actions. They try to mend that. Now the attitude has changed from "all for one" to "one for all and all for one". They all work together, sort of like the three musketeers. They are now on track to mending what is left of their lives.

It's always hard to think of the bigger picture instead of just thinking about yourself, but it needs to be done. As soon as we can get rid of this mind set that the world revolves around us, the sooner we will reach true happiness. At least, that's what I think.

"Careful the wish you make, wishes are children. Careful the path they take - wishes come true, not free. Careful the spell you cast, not just on children. Sometimes the spell may last beyond what you can see and turn against you."

Mata Hari had a very wicked reputation

Sometimes I feel like a freaking Mata Hari (minus all the immorality, of course). "Mata Hari?" you may be asking yourself. "Who's she?" Well, Mata Hari was just about the wickedest woman in the whole world. She was a spy by trade, you know. First, she'd make the boys fall madly in love with her, and then she'd toss them aside like an old pair of shoes as soon as she got what she wanted out of them.

I don't know how it happened. I certainly didn't want it to happen. But it happened. Since it's happened a couple of times now, I decided it's time to analyze this Mata Hari syndrome. I like(d?) him so much. Aubrey and Katrina will attest to that. I had fallen for him. But once I found out that he liked me, it's almost as if I got over him in an instant. I know I didn't. But sometimes it felt like it.

Anyway, after thinking about this and discussing it with my friends, I've decided that I'm afraid. Afraid of relationships, I guess. I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want a seious relationship, and getting even a little bit close to it scares me. It also freaks me out that he's leaving in July to serve a mission. I don't want to get too attached since he'll just be leaving anyway. I don't know what I'm going to do.

No person with inner dignity is ever embarrassed.

I do a ton of stupid stuff, and it embarrasses me. I guess I don't have much inner dignity yet. Like this one time I was on band tour, and I was eating oysters that were in broth in a cup. Well, I was standing there, talking to Mr. Bowman, and somehow I dropped one of the oysters, and fell in the cup with a huge splash. That huge splash of broth got all over Mr. Bowman. I was mortified. So what did I do? The only thing that I could think of. I just started wiping the broth off of his coat with my napkin. Oh man. Good times.

I daresay that no one likes to be embarrassed. So, how are we supposed to go about obtaining this inner dignity? What the heck is inner dignity anyway?

Dignity is like pride or a knowledge of your worth/divine potential. Inner, obviously, means within yourself. So, it's a personal thing. We can't sit around and wait for people to hand us our inner dignity. It needs to be developed. The first step is probably to realize who you are and where you are going. Daughter of a king. Child with divine heritage. Now that you know who you are, you can realize that you have worth, and stupid things you do don't really matter that much.

Ok well I guess obtaining inner dignity is basically a one-step process which is: learn to love yourself. That's one broad step, huh?

Anyway, embarrassing things can be fun. Like they're fun to look back on a laugh about. But they usually aren't very fun when they happen. Oh well. Life goes on.

For a dreamer, night's the only time of day.

Apparently, I have a really weird way of sleeping. It surprises me! Well, not the fact that I sleep funny...I already know how I sleep...the fact that everyone thinks it's so weird surprises me! I've been sleeping folded up for my whole life, so it never hit me that it was funny. It's just normal for me to sleep that way.

I think that when we do things a certain way and for a long time, we get to be so accustomed to it that it's almost as if we don't even think there could be another way of doing that exact same thing. Similarly, we sometimes seem to think our way is the best way. This may be the case, but usually it's not.

Since I've been sleeping that way since I was a baby, it's the most normal thing in the world to me. Not to everyone else though. I thought it was weird that they thought I was weird, but now I'm thinking that we're all right. So while they try to accept my weird habits, I am trying to accept their weird mind sets. No, I'm just kidding! We all get along great.

Just a little flat

I like to play the piano, and I've pretty much reached the point where I can sight-read most anything. Hymns and primary songs come especially easy to me because...well, they're not that hard.

But today in seminary, Brother Harris asked me to play a couple songs. I played the first one fine, didn't make any mistakes. It probably had a sharp or two. However, the second song had three flats and some arpeggios in the left hand, and for some reason I just freaked out. I could not play it, and there were only three flats. I am used to playing things with up to six flats! But for some reason I could not do it.

Flats have always been hard for me. It's just hard for me to think of notes as flat. I'm sure it's all in my head, because as my grandma always says, "It's not any harder to press a black key than it is to press a white key." She's right, it's not physically hard.

When you've got flats and fast moving notes combined, it's hard to think that fast and realize what keys you're supposed to be playing. I just get scared and tell myself it's hard, so it becomes hard. It really isn't that bad though. It's easy to press a black key.

The best thing for me to do is practice a lot so my fingers get the feel of which notes are flat. It's like learning how to type, except the feel changes with each piece of music. Why do people write music with flats?! Oh well. I will just have to work harder at piano. (But guess what? On Saturday I got my 60 point gold cup! It's huge!)

Thoroughly modern?

"Everything today is thoroughly modern"...except for my sisters and I. We're not Amish or anything...we just have different tastes than a lot of society. Why are we kind of stuck in the past? I'll tell you. I don't know.

The main thing that separates us from modern culture is the type of movies that fall into our "favorites" category. We love old movies. Gene Kelly, Danny Kaye, Don Knotts, and Bing Crosby are some favorite actors of ours. I think the reason why we hold onto these movies is probably because the humor is just so...pure. I don't really know how to explain it. It's not crude, and it's genuinely funny.

A lot of the movies that we love come from my Grandpa Murray's house, so I'm sure there are good memories associated with them. Spending quality time with my family and grandparents, laughing together, and growing closer together are memories that come with watching old movies.

So, that's why my sisters and I like older movies. They just have a good feeling about them. I don't have to worry about my sisters hearing or seeing any thing that they shouldn't while we're watching movies together. We like new movies too, some of them even make our 'favorites' list, but old movies are the best! And if any one needs a list of good old movies, we've got a few. Movie party!!

Blasny, blasny.

I love all my grandpa's shows, but "The Foreigner" was especially memorable. Trevor was adorable and lovable as Charlie, the "foreigner", Casey was just a freaky KKK leader, and the rest of the cast was simply hilarious! There was this bond that you could feel with the whole cast.

The intamacy of the Little Theater definitely lends a hand in making shows an enjoyable experience. Being so close to the actors allows you to see every expression from sadness to joy to confusion. There was a part in the play where Charlie and Ellard lay on the ground to read a book, and as they got down on their stomachs, the whole audience stood up to see what was happening better. It was great! The small space made it so that you could hear everything, and the laughter of the audience made it so much more fun. We could hear my grandpa laughing the whole time, and it was hilarious. He is such a jovial cheeseball.

The show is just a funny, well written show, and the actors did a really good job interpreting who their character was. They were so believable. I even found myself forgetting that Trevor did, in fact, speak english and that Casey was a normal guy. Connie was just like an old woman. This cast was amazing.

CHARLIE "La la. Blasny, blasny."
ELLARD "What's 'at mean?"
FROGGY "Wot, 'Blasny, blasny?' I might be wrong, but I think it means, 'Enjoy it while yer've got it.' Am I right, Charlie?"
CHARLIE "No. 'Blasny, blasny'? Eet mean-'Ain't dees nice?'"

It certainly was nice.

A selfish profession

I am referring here to acting. Now before I get people mad at me, let me just say that I'm not trying to say acting is evil. That's not it at all. I mean, I love the theater, and I've done a bit of acting in my life. What I am trying to say is that acting is all about appearances. That makes it selfish. As an actor, you're constantly worrying about how you came across, how you sounded, and how you looked.

Think about auditions. You generally don't go into an audition thinking, 'Wow, that girl who auditioned for the same part as I did is really good. I hope she gets the part of Laurie!' No. Usually you are thinking, 'I hope I sing my best and do my cold read the best so I can get the part of Laurie.' Is there anything wrong with this? We need to decide where to draw the line. You, as an actor, need to decide just how diva-esque you are going to be.

If you're going to make it as an actor, you need to be a little selfish. No one is going to cast someone who doesn't care how they come across, how they read their lines, or how they sing. When you go to auditions, you can't just give your part away to other people because you are being unselfish. Perhaps this shouldn't be called selfish, but it kinda is.

Sometimes, actors start getting so selfish that they will do anything for that solo or that monologue, or do anything to have more lines because they are the best. This is when selfish starts getting too selfish. So it's up to us. Where will we as a theater community draw the line?

The other night my grandpa was hurt because of a selfish actor. During one of their shows, Tony was trying so hard to act distraught about Maria's death that he was shaking poor old Doc more violently than he should have. My grandpa fell down because of that. Despite frequent pleas to shake him softly, Tony forgot about the person who he was playing opposite and became too immersed in his own character. (By the way, I'm being selfish about acting right now because I'm mad at Tony for hurting my grandpa.)

In this same production, an audience member's nice leather cowboy hat and coat were ruined because the actors wanted to come across as real as possible, so they used fake blood. Unfortunately, it got out of hand and into the audience. That man was so mad!

So, acting is selfish. But it can be two different kinds of selfish: selfish for the benefit of the show itself, or selfish for the benefit of one's self.

What an honor...

"The Ragan Theater Showcase Award: an opportunity for UVSC to acknowledge and highlight the talents and accomplishmets of college, community, and high school achievments in the arts." Syd Riggs is a previous recipient of this award. This year, the award's recipient was my grandfather. But the award turned out to be more work than recognition.

Last August when my grandpa first told me he was going to receive this award, I was so excited! I was thinking, They're finally going to recognize the person who makes the most difference in fine arts. That's what we all were thinking. My grandpa, being the type of person he is, wasn't very thrilled. He was flattered, I'm sure, but he's not the type who needs to be recognized. He'd rather not be in the spotlight. That's why he directs: to give others a chance. My excitement just increased when my grandpa told me they asked him to direct Little Mary Sunshine, our favorite show, for the award showcase. My grandpa wasn't sure he'd be able to do it because he was directing A Christmas Carol at the time that rehearsals for Little Mary would start, but he accepted anyway.

And then the work began.

The first step was casting the show. Auditions are really hard, so my grandpa hand picked his cast. He chose the people who he thought would be the best in the various roles. After he had it all cast, we had to start having rehearsals.

We couldn't rehearse at UVSC until one week before opening, so it was up to my grandpa to find somewhere else to practice. Another aspect of rehearsals was finding a music director, a choreographer, and rehearsal accompanists. Usually, you have to pay these people, even for community theater. But, my grandpa didn't have any sort of a budget for these things. He was doing all this volunteer work for his own award, after all. Luckily, there are people who love my grandpa enough to help him, even without pay. I got to be the rehearsal accompanist.

The set needed to be built. So, my grandpa built the set. T came and helped us. She's an amazing set designer and a wonderful painter. T and my grandpa make a good team. Together, and with a little help from the cast and Orem's stage craft classes, they built a beautiful set. It took a long time though, and my grandpa isn't as spry as he once was, but somehow he kept up. He also found costumes for the whole cast.

My mom and my aunt volunteered to play the piano for Little Mary. The score was originally written for two pianos, and then later was transcribed for performance with an orchestra. My aunt and my mom have played for Little Mary before, and they did it again. It sounds better with two pianos then with an orchestra.

Somehow, my grandpa managed to keep going through all of this. He was directing two shows at once, teaching classes at Orem High, building sets for his two shows and for Orem's shows, but he never wavered. He's an amazing person. He got bronchitis, but he always gets sick right after a show opens. All the stress gets his immune system down, I guess.

So, he did all this work. And for what? Nothing really. Every night before the show started, this weird guy would get on stage and give a little speech about things, but his little speech did more harm than good. It was insulting at times, and it even poked fun at Syd's death, something everyone was trying to get over. Friday night was the night they were going to give him "the award". It was a nice little glass thing and a gift certificate for him and my grandma to go to dinner.

My grandpa is a very nice person. He is not selfish at all. That's why he does all this volunteer directing. Even so, his thoughts on the matter were "Next time you're going to give someone an award, make a show for them. Don't make them do the show for their own award."

I just don't understand how this experience constitutes an award. Especially since UVSC just announced they are going to be doing Little Mary Sunshine this spring semester. That's like a slap in the face. Why did they ask my grandpa to do all that work for that specific show if they're just going to do it themselves? But anyway...

The Ragan Theater Showcase Award: an opportunity for UVSC to get free publicity using people who the community loves and appreciates.

*On a happier note, the SCERA just gave my grandpa the "star of the year" award. Now that is an award he deserves and was presented in a very nice manner. It still embarrasses him a little, but that's because he doesn't like attention. I love my grandpa!!

Aspirations

One of the coolest things to do at work is glue labels inside violins. That is an extremely weird thing for me to say, because on the outside it looks all mundane, boring, nerdy...I don't know. But I like it! You ask me why? Why do I like gluing labels on the inside of violins? I'll tell you-but first, I'll explain the process of gluing in a label.

First, you take the label, put glue on it, and then you put it on this curved metal thing. Then, you take the curved metal thing and put it inside the little holes that are shaped like Fs, making sure you don't get glue all over the outside of your nice new GEII violin. Third, you take another instrument (not a musical instrument) that is maybe something like a straight metal thing and you work the label off metal thing #1 with metal thing #2. Does this make sense? No, I didn't think it would. The last thing you do is take the flat part of metal thing #1 and smooth the label so it doesn't have any bubbles in it or anything.

Ok. Now you know how to put a label inside a violin. The reason why I like doing this is because I'm pretty sure I want to be an orothodontist or a dentist, and this process is kind of like doing things that dentists would do. Actually, one time I was gluing labels and metal thing #1 was actually the little mirror that dentists use to look inside your mouth with! It was so cool! It's like practicing to be a dentist, but I'm practicing on a violin! Wow, I'm really weird. And now you know.

Grin and bear it

There are going to be times in life when you meet someone you don't like. That's inevitable, I guess. But sometimes, at least for me, it's hard to keep what I feel inside and not let it show. Telling how you really feel about these people is probably not the best road to take, however.

I guess this is kind of like saying nice things about people whether your microphone is on or not, but it's more than just saying nice things. Telling people how you feel about others can alter that person's view of you. If you're always saying rude things about people and stuff, everyone will think that you are a mean person. You don't want people to think you're mean if that's not really how you are.

Lately, I have been having a problem with keeping my feelings of others inside me. But I'm trying! Really! It's just hard when that person turns up everywhere I am...but I just think how I would feel if people were saying mean things about me to others. That would make me feel bad. In order to keep people's self confidence up, let's be nice all the time! If you're mad, just...pretend you're not.

My Dream Man

Recently, I have been thinking alot about qualities I want in a future husband. I've been thinking about this because...I just have been. Anyway.

I don't think I'm shallow, but I like guys to be tall. I like tall guys because it's just nice not to be the same height as, or taller than, everyone else. So it's fun to be with people who are taller than you.

I want him to have a sense of humor. Granted, not everything should be funny, but it's nice to laugh and have fun alot, keep things light.

It is important for a guy to have respect for me. I appreciate respect because, hey-girls just deserve respect. When someone respects you, it just makes it that much better and more fun. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't respect me. I'm not just talking about the whole opening doors thing, but just respect in general.

Well those are a few qualities that I like in guys. I don't know what else to say...I'm still thinking about this one. And I probably always will be.

Whether your microphone is on or not...

Last week, we (as a cast) had a little...problem. Actually, this problem had been going on since the beginning of our run. The problem was a person. I'm sure this person's a good man, but he had been saying some things that were a little insulting and without tact to our director, who also happens to be my grandpa. He was saying these things in front of a theater full of people, trying to be funny, but they just didn't come across as funny. The comments hurt. But that's kinda beside the point.

We had all been talking about this man in the dressing rooms, saying how much we wished he wouldn't say those things. We just wanted him to shut up, to put it quite bluntly. I know those things weren't good to say, but we still said them to each other. Anyway, a member of our cast, Oscar, went to do mic check on closing night, and he was saying things about this man that were rather rude. The man's son was up in the sound booth, and it made him feel really bad to hear those type of things about his father. Oscar felt bad after he realized what had happened, and I'm sure he regretted those words, but regret is not the point.

None of us girls knew what had happened. We were in the dressing room, talking about this guy, when Ernestine (who had already heard this story) said, "Remember guys, everyone can hear everything you say when your microphone is on." We all sat there and thought, "That's a given, but...most of us don't even have microphones."

When I finally heard what had transpired I realized why Ernestine said what she did. It got me thinking...the point is not that we need to be nice and friendly when everyone can hear what we say, but when no one can hear what we say as well. It made me feel bad that I have this kind of mentality sometimes, and I'm not always as kind as I should be. It made me feel horrible! Even if we're thinking things that might be kind of rude, we definitely don't need to make our feelings known. In fact, we should do all we can to have good feelings and not think negatively. It's hard sometimes. It's hard all of the time, actually. But all I know is that I'm going to try my best to do the right thing....whether or not my mic is on.

Letting go

No matter who we are, no matter what we do in life, there will come a time when we need to let go of something dear to us. It could be a person, an acitvity, or a state of mind. We always know these things need to be let go, it's just hard when it comes right down to it.

One of the hardest things about letting go is the fact that you have been so used to having that thing around. When someone close to us passes away, there is the realization that we will never see that person again in this life. We become so used to having them around, and when they aren't here anymore, it's shocking.

Memories we have of the deceased become the only way to remember them. If we dwell on the fact that they're gone, though, it takes longer to get over the understanding that they are no longer with us. We need to remember them with fondess-remembering fun times that we've shared with them is a good way to keep memories alive, but focusing on their death is not the way to go about things.

It's hard to let go of anything that we're used to, but it needs to be done as soon as possible in order to eliminate alot of pain. I'm not saying we shoudn't mourn, but there is a place and a time for mourning and a time for being happy for what you do have, and what you have been able to have.

Forest Ranger's rules and regulations

“...and Forest Rangers-being the good looking dogs that they are-must necessarily associate with young ladies of comparable appearance. It’s one of the Forest Ranger’s unwritten laws.”

Thank goodness the guys of the latest show know the unwritten laws regarding women and just plain fun. But why can’t the forest rangers study some of the written laws?...like their scripts. Whoever heard of waiting until one week before opening to start memorizing your lines? Or to start learning your blocking and choreography? But the forest ranger’s haven’t been worried about that stuff up until this point. All the guys are into is having fun.

Rehearsal/shows are not about having fun. They're about putting on a show, telling a story. Sometimes a show can be fun, but it isn’t about fun. It’s alright to have a good time while at rehearsal. You should have a good time. Sometimes, it’s even okay to goof off a little bit. You’ve gotta make things interesting. But you’ve also got to know when to work, when to pay attention, when to be serious. It seems our forest rangers are having trouble knowing when to calm down. That is what’s making rehearsals so long and difficult. Anyway, I know that we’ll pull it together soon. (It’s one of the Forest Ranger’s unwritten laws.)