Mata Hari had a very wicked reputation

Sometimes I feel like a freaking Mata Hari (minus all the immorality, of course). "Mata Hari?" you may be asking yourself. "Who's she?" Well, Mata Hari was just about the wickedest woman in the whole world. She was a spy by trade, you know. First, she'd make the boys fall madly in love with her, and then she'd toss them aside like an old pair of shoes as soon as she got what she wanted out of them.

I don't know how it happened. I certainly didn't want it to happen. But it happened. Since it's happened a couple of times now, I decided it's time to analyze this Mata Hari syndrome. I like(d?) him so much. Aubrey and Katrina will attest to that. I had fallen for him. But once I found out that he liked me, it's almost as if I got over him in an instant. I know I didn't. But sometimes it felt like it.

Anyway, after thinking about this and discussing it with my friends, I've decided that I'm afraid. Afraid of relationships, I guess. I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want a seious relationship, and getting even a little bit close to it scares me. It also freaks me out that he's leaving in July to serve a mission. I don't want to get too attached since he'll just be leaving anyway. I don't know what I'm going to do.