Just trust me.

I have been cogitating a lot recently on my life and, more specifically, issues I have with trust. Obviously my blog is no place to bare my soul, so I will not. But I will divulge just a smidgen (ha...fun word) of information.

I have a hard time trusting new people. This is a problem, because it means that I am hard to read and fickle. It's just hard. It's hard giving away all your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and putting them out in the open to be laughed at or rained on, or to eventually be discarded.

Like...I trusted you with my feelings. Now that you're gone, what happened to those thoughts I gave you? Did they float away on the breeze? Is someone going to find them? Will I get an email from the BYU lost and found? Those were personal. If I had known you would, one day, cease to appreciate all I had given you...I wouldn't have given it away in the first place.

Anyway. I realized yesterday that this is why I hold on to things. Because there are some things and people in my life that, from my limited knowledge and experience, I am fairly certain I can trust. I just want to hold onto them because trust has already been established--I don't have to work for that again.

But maybe that isn't right anymore. Maybe it's time to move on, grow, and stretch as I learn to trust. Growing pains-that's all this is.

I feel like I should have realized this sooner. But now we're down to the wire.