Although my general anxiety has been getting better, I still have pretty intense social anxiety. There are 3 situations where I feel comfortable: school, with our families, and any situation where Spencer is standing beside me initiating conversation. Pretty sad.
During the past week, part of my social anxiety wall has disappeared. I've actually initiated some conversations with people in our ward, without Spencer standing beside me! I even started these conversations without writing a script in my head first. This is so out of the ordinary for me. Definitely not normal (for me)!
Yesterday after I had a conversation with our upstairs neighbor, Spencer said, "Wow, you're getting brave!" and I was soooo proud of myself. I felt brave! I felt normal for once in my life. I felt capable of actually talking to people!
And then I started thinking, how sad. How sad that I'm over-the-moon-proud of myself for having a 10 second conversation. I'm obviously not normal if I am celebrating something like this. Something people do every day without a second thought!
And then I got the heck off that mind train!!
I started a new mind train.
How GREAT! How awesome that I am overcoming my fears! How incredible that I am actually forming relationships with people around me! I'm obviously changing and defeating my inner demons! I am getting brave. And I'm proud of it!
So to whoever is reading this, be brave for you. It doesn't matter what you think "normal" looks like. What matters is that you're happy for your own accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem!
|We had another roller blade adventure down the Provo River Trail. Don't let Eli's face fool you...he loved it.|