Trying to make sense of it all

I just had a baby. A lot of changes occur through pregnancy and then, post-partum. One of the changes that receives the most attention is the change to a new mother’s body.

My body changed a lot! My stomach isn’t as flat as it used to be, and my hips AND rib cage have expanded to the point where none of my pants, skirts, or dresses fit anymore. Rib cage expanding?? I didn’t anticipate that one. Some of my t-shirts don’t even fit anymore because they sit on my hips and my hips are too wide! I know that if I lose a few pounds, I probably won’t have as much of a belly as I do now. But I know that no matter what I do (barring binding techniques, and I’m not going there), my hips and rib cage won’t shrink back to the way they were before. That’s bone structure, people. I know that people say, “Give it time, your body keeps changing after you’ve had the baby.” I’m two months post-partum, which isn’t a long time, but I’ve become quite used to my changed body.

You know what? Even though my pants have increased a few sizes, I have to wear my skirts unzipped with long shirts, and my dresses are useless…I look in the mirror and I don’t care. I know my body is different, but I like the way I look. I don’t have any (new) issues with my body image. I feel as confident as I ever have (And let’s be honest, I do have insecurities, but no new, post-partum insecurities).

I am proud of my body and all it went through with labor, delivery, and recovery. My body fought through liver failure and gave birth to a miracle! I am grateful that Heavenly Father’s plan gives us bodies that can go through so much. It’s amazing. Our bodies are amazing! I’m grateful to feel this way about my body!

So then WHY IN THE WORLD do I forget all that the second I go clothes shopping? Why do I hate shopping now? Why do I feel depressed when the pants I grab off the shelves are almost double my pre-wedding size? Why does it matter to me? If I look in the mirror and feel good about the way I look, why does the size of clothes I’m shopping for matter? 

Why should SIZE matter if I like the way I look, and where did I learn to care? I didn’t learn to hate the size of my pants from my family, and my husband obviously doesn’t care. I probably learned from the media. From talk shows, ads, magazine covers, Pinterest. Probably 1/3 of everything I see on Pinterest has to do with changing your body. I know that working out and being healthy is great, but isn’t there too much focus on achieving a “perfect” body?

Obviously social media is an awesome tool for many reasons, but as social media explodes, we are becoming more exposed to the idea of perfection. This can NEVER BE ACHIEVED.

Why don’t we stop believing the things that tell us to fix our appearance, and instead focus on the things that can make us better people? I want to know how I can say more positive things every day. I want to know more about how home can be a Heaven on Earth. I want to know how to study the scriptures better. I want to know how to make a baby blanket. I want to know how to make a book with family photos. I want to know how to teach my son to be as loving as his father. I want SO MUCH MORE than a perfect body, but when it’s all I see…I fall into the trap. 

He's so cute it kills me! This is one of the only dresses that still fits me...because it's stretchy!