Thursday, February 21, 2013

On the up and up...a truth-filled blog

I have been very sick. 

Since the beginning of the school year I have been sick--emotionally and physically. There were months when I was fighting tears the whole school day. I would come home and go to bed, no matter what time it was, no matter how hungry I was, no matter what kinds of plans I had made with my best friends (including my husband!).

It was a dark time. 

I cried a LOT. I hated getting dressed because I hated the way I looked and the way my body felt. On days that I didn't have to go to school, I wouldn't get dressed until late afternoon/evening. I missed church a couple of times because I didn't want anyone to see me (and I didn't want to put on a happy face). It was so hard.

Things finally hit rock bottom, and I started getting professional help. Since the only way to go (literally!) was up, I started going up. Today, things are so much better. I am happy. I feel great. I love my life. I love my job. I still have bad days, but I finally, after 6 months of feeling like the worst stranger on the planet, I feel like myself again.

I cannot TELL you what a saint my husband is. He was never, ever, once cross with me. Even on the worst days when every single bad thing that could possible be said was flying out of my mouth, Spencer was there to tell me he loved me. He was saying that I was beautiful, and everything was going to be okay. He never gave up.

My parents have also been amazing. They've brought us dinner, come to talk, picked up medications, prayed, and so many other things. I am grateful to my parents for always telling Spencer how amazing he is, on those nights when I was far gone.

My Riley family has been wonderful as well. I'm new to this family, and I've been quiet, removed, and not myself. But it didn't matter to them; no matter what I was going through, they were there to love and support me. I feel like they have completely accepted me into their family.

I wish I could describe what it feels like to have my Dad Murray, Dad Riley, and Spencer give me a blessing. Being surrounded by the three most important and influential men in my life is incredible. It's so comforting to have worthy priesthood holders and I'm grateful for their diligence and examples.

I am so incredibly grateful  for the gospel. Without my knowledge of the atonement or the plan of salvation, I would be lost. My Heavenly Father has sent tender mercies every day of my life. I have seen miracles occur. I am so thankful to my Savior and Father in Heaven for what I have been blessed with.

The past few months have been rough. The next month will be physically draining. But I have learned SO much in the last little bit. I have a new perspective and I'm grateful for that. Things will still be hard, but I have  so keenly felt the miracle of the atonement that I feel stronger already.

I am so blessed. 


Nicole said...

I'm so glad you're feeling on the mend! I love you!

Mom said...

The tears are flowing...I love you so much! You have been through a lot and will be blessed. You DO have a wonderful husband and I love you both! MOM

Anonymous said...

All I can say is "Welcome back Mrs. Riley." It's all uphill from here! Good luck these next few weeks. We will keep you in our prayers!

Spencer said...

I love you sweetheart! You are the love of my life and mean everything to me! I will always be here! In the past 8 months we have grown so much and grown closer together. We have had so many wonderful times together and I am so excited for the future! I love you!

Anonymous said...

You are awesome Nat! I always knew you can do hard things!