Take that

This is me [figuratively] punching my confusion in the face.



You don't think I have it in me, huh? Maybe you should talk to my home teacher.

I'm just not exactly going to let my worries and fears control my life! Hiiiiiiiiiiya!

(Hopefully when you read that, it sounded like a ninja noise.)

The truth is...

The truth is that I'm wearing pajamas and my new Land's End shoes (LOVE them), eating cinnamon bears, writing an essay, and trying to figure out my life. It's definitely attractive. The life of a single college student=glamorous!

Confused?

Join the darn club.

Two things

One of my favorite things about my blog is that the most hits it gets from search engines is from people searching for the story of Little Dog Turpie. That's awesome, but a little disturbing.

One of my least favorite things about my blog is that I allow what others think about me to influence what I post. I wish I could say this blog was me sharing all my honest thoughts and feelings but it is not.

The truth (almost completely not cryptic!)

(It's my blog, I can put whatever I want up here!)

I almost think that, no matter what has happened or will happen, this will always be one of my favorite pictures. Just because that was probably my favorite summer of my life so far.

Realizations

You know how sometimes you just realize things about yourself you've never thought about before?

I love getting random voice mails and texts.

When I'm sad or lonely, I bake. Peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.

I love inside jokes and gifts built around the theme of an inside joke.

I like being a little bit silly around the people I love.

I really, genuinely like a lot of people. I am pretty sure there are many people out there who have no idea how much I truly adore them.

I talk a lot.

I think I have a lot of old fashioned ideas about romance.

I cry: all through Return to Me, when Captain Von Trapp sings "Edelweiss", when people I love cry, sometimes when I am writing the spaghettio years, when I finally realize a truth that deeply impacts me...and at many other instances.

My life hasn't really turned out the way I expected it to be but I am okay with that.

Once I had to completely rebuild my understanding of my life and I am grateful for the changes it brought to me.

Waiting makes me anxious.

Even though I've lost sight a few times, I'm pretty sure I know what I want. But I can only speak for myself, which is the hard part.

Why I don't give standing ovations

I hesitate to post this blog, but I just want everyone to know. Let's get down to business (remember that I'm not eloquent).

I don't normally give standing ovations. They are to be done "after extraordinary performances of particularly high acclaim" (wikipedia.org. I know, wikipedia isn't exactly the best source, but hey). Standing ovations are considered to be a special honor. If we are giving standing ovations after every high school play and band concert, the act loses its honor and meaning.

Sure, your show was amazing. Your band played spectacularly. But that doesn't mean that we need to stand. I believe that the standing ovation is becoming severely devalued. It used to be special; now it's something people do when they like a performance. Clapping is what should be done when a performance is enjoyable and even amazing. We can give words of love, encouragement, and tremendous praise. If we gave a gold medal to everyone who participated in the Olympics, the gold medal wouldn't mean a thing. So it is with the standing ovation. If everyone gets it, who cares?

When I really began my musical experience in junior high, our dear band teacher taught us the importance of helping things maintain their value. For instance, it bothered him to have music playing in the background of our lives--we should be stopping, listening, and enjoying music, rather than taking it for granted. His view on the standing ovation was the same-it is becoming so frequently used that it's losing its meaning and people are forgetting.

I realize that I look like a jerk when the whole audience is standing and I am still sitting. Maybe I am a jerk. But the fact that I'm sitting does not mean I hated your performance. I probably loved it. Hey, I didn't even give Wicked a standing ovation. I just want you all to know that I do not have hateful feelings in my heart when I am left sitting after a performance. I'm not sitting there thinking that I'm better than everyone else. I'm just standing (sitting?) for something I believe in.

Anyway, that's my two cents. Sorry if I offended anyone.

Confession!

I love watching House. I stopped watching it a couple of weeks ago because it seemed to make me more of a hypochondriac, but last night I caved and watched an episode. It was toward the end of Season 1, "Babies and Bathwater", and I loved it. It is by far my favorite episode. Anyway, during the course of that hour, I started to love Dr. Wilson. He is now my favorite doctor. Yehaw.

Another confession

If you didn't love me before, you probably should after hearing this story ;)
So, this picture...I don't know where it came from. Abby found it online, and it struck a chord in the depths of her heart, because one day...

It was years ago. I don't know how old we were, but we were young. I was vacuuming (like a good little girl) with our new, intense Kirby vacuum. Abby came up to me and said, "Nat! Vacuum my toes!" So...I did.

We laugh about it now, but back then...I sure did get in trouble.

Confession

Not only am I recently addicted to The Writer's Almanac, but also Flauta salads from Bajio.

Fakin' it

So, back in the day when I was a concert pianist--okay, I was never really a concert pianist. But back in the day when I took piano lessons and performed in solo, duo, and concerto festivals every year, I did rather well for myself, thank you. I earned my 75 point cup, which amazes me...but enough talk about how wonderful I am ;)

Especially during my high school years, I was learning some difficult pieces. I played the Gershwin preludes, which are great pieces of music, but they're hard. Because of time, skill, and reality constraints, I wasn't able to learn the Gershwins 100 percent polished. But because of the pressure (perhaps imagined) I felt to perform, and perform consistently superior pieces, I taught myself how to fake. By leaving out a couple of notes here and there and substituting new notes in the chords, I could change that span of an octave and a half to just an octave, making it much easier (and possible) to play (now, I think every piano player does this. It's not unusual. Right? I don't think I did anything wrong by faking a little bit...honestly the chords were too big for my hands to play).

My version sounded good and similar to what it should, but it wasn't quite right. People were impressed by my playing, though-I let them hear what they wanted to hear.

I have to admit that piano was not the only thing I learned how to fake during those years.

Now that I'm older, I'm going back and relearning things. It's harder, but I know that it will make for a more pure, right, and enjoyable life in the end.

More confessions

I roll my eyes. A lot.

I sleep funny.

I enjoy staying up late and getting up early, just so I can be alone to think...

I still watch Arthur when I have time.

I really don't like to show emotion.

The Orem High fight song is easier for me to remember than the Mountain View one.

I understand this is unusual.

I don't trust a man who makes toys in a land where children are forbidden.

His character just really intrigues me. I know he's mean, but still I'm almost fascinated by the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Confessions

Once I had a dream that Donald Trump and I were best friends.

I secretly want Pam and Toby to hook up. I'm kinda mad at Jim right now, but I haven't seen last night's episode yet.

I like Toby better than Jim.

I don't really like Skittles.

I miss dancing. Today I danced (with my shoes on) for the first time in a while and it was so fun. My legs are killing me now and I've lost a lot of my technique. Argh.

Clogging shoes feel amazingly comfortable after dancing in Jig shoes.

I'm convinced that Professor Snape will turn out to be a good guy.