Okay, seriously?

Today? Of all the days in the week...in the year...why today?

Oh, my life! It is wonderful and amazing, but complicated! Huh. I should never have challenged the year 2010, because it's giving me a run for my money. These chapters in TSY are going to be awesome! Please stay tuned for any further developments.

Just trust me.

I have been cogitating a lot recently on my life and, more specifically, issues I have with trust. Obviously my blog is no place to bare my soul, so I will not. But I will divulge just a smidgen (ha...fun word) of information.

I have a hard time trusting new people. This is a problem, because it means that I am hard to read and fickle. It's just hard. It's hard giving away all your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and putting them out in the open to be laughed at or rained on, or to eventually be discarded.

Like...I trusted you with my feelings. Now that you're gone, what happened to those thoughts I gave you? Did they float away on the breeze? Is someone going to find them? Will I get an email from the BYU lost and found? Those were personal. If I had known you would, one day, cease to appreciate all I had given you...I wouldn't have given it away in the first place.

Anyway. I realized yesterday that this is why I hold on to things. Because there are some things and people in my life that, from my limited knowledge and experience, I am fairly certain I can trust. I just want to hold onto them because trust has already been established--I don't have to work for that again.

But maybe that isn't right anymore. Maybe it's time to move on, grow, and stretch as I learn to trust. Growing pains-that's all this is.

I feel like I should have realized this sooner. But now we're down to the wire.

It's picked the worst time.

Life is fine, life is good-especially mine, which is just as it should be.

Work

I guess I finally caught the babe's cold. Blaaaah. Well, I'd guess I'd rather have the babe's cold than the ChemE's flu or whatever.

Oh yeah, and the other day in my music class we were talking about finding the beat of songs and stuff like that. Brother Jaccard was having us sing random songs like "Are You Sleeping?" and "My Country 'tis of Thee". He announced that the next song would be "This Old Man". Everyone started singing kind of awkwardly because I guess they didn't know the words? Luckily I know every last thing that old man played because I sing "This Old Man" at least once a day.

The truth is...

The truth is that I'm wearing pajamas and my new Land's End shoes (LOVE them), eating cinnamon bears, writing an essay, and trying to figure out my life. It's definitely attractive. The life of a single college student=glamorous!

When I was a girl, I had a favorite story.

"And now I stand here, starry eyed and stormy. Oh, just when I thought my heart was finally numb a beautiful young man appears before me, singing, "Come...oh, won't you come?" And what can I do if finally, for the first time, the one I'm burning for returns the glow? If love has come at last it's picked the worst time. Still I know...I've got to go.

Fly away, meadowlark. Fly away in the silver morning. If I stay, I'll grow to curse the dark. So it's off where the days won't bind me. I know I leave wounds behind me but I won't let tomorrow find me back this way. Before my past once again can blind me...fly away. And we won't wait to say goodbye, my beautiful young man and I."